#second of all I actually had Two really disturbing dreams
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trans-yllz · 1 year ago
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wuh I had a strange and disturbing dream about my drivers test last night 😭
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eli-com · 5 months ago
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need me some more judd pretty pls
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୧ *·˚ — JUDD BIRCH
୨୧ includes — fem!reader, afab!reader, mature content, p in v, oral (f! receiving), jealousy, fingering, ooc!judd, terrible writing, MDNI
a continuation of my other 2 Judd posts with innocent!shy!reader. not in the same order as the og scene in the show just for the purpose of the fic.
please have some grace. I stayed awake all night writing this whilst trying to fix my sleep schedule for my lecture monday x
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— Judd loves his younger siblings, as hard as that may be to believe. He’s always been protective over Leah and Nick; only he got to make fun of them. However, a lot of the time, they do things that really piss him off. Whether it be Nick hitting on you, or Leah throwing a slumber party with her overly loud and clingy friends, as she was doing now, his brother and sister really knew how to annoy him.
Currently, he was laid on his bed, a pillow shoved over his face as he did his best to drown out the excessive giggling coming from Leah’s room. If there was one thing that really got to him, it was overly loud people. Why couldn’t they just speak at a normal volume? They wouldn’t speak at all if it were up to Judd, but he’d accept anything lower than the volume they were at right now. He despised his sister’s peppy attitude and overly-optimistic way of thinking, which, unluckily for him considering the situation, she shared with a lot of her friends.
You were supposed to be coming over tonight, so at least that gave him one thing to look forward to. The two of you had been ‘seeing each other’ for a three or four months by now, and in all honesty, Judd was loving it. He couldn’t get enough of you, and he wasn’t afraid to show it. He was all over you, every second he could be. Whether it was at his house, at school, when you were getting lunch at your favourite cafe, he didn’t care. If he wanted you, he was gonna have you. In all honesty, Judd considered you his girlfriend by now, even though he’d never actually used the word.
He’d never been in a real relationship before, only ever having a few girls he’d sleep with when he needed the relief. But it was different with you, he wanted to be around you, enjoyed your company. He’d never experienced that with anybody before. He was used to the comfortable routine of sleeping with someone and completely blanking them the next day. He could never do that to you, he wouldn't even dream of it. Maybe it was laughable, the fact he was known throughout school for his rebellious attitude, yet he'd wound up falling for one of the best behaved girls in town. He didn't care enough to think about it that much, though. All he knew was that he liked you, and he was going to do whatever it took to keep you around.
It wasn't long before he heard a familiar ring tone from his phone, a small grin gracing his lips as he grabbed it and saw your name on the screen, along with a photo he'd taken of you asleep in his bed. He'd been tempted to change it, especially when Leah and Nick had first seen it and relentlessly teased him for 'being a sap', but the sight of that sleepy smile on your face stopped him every time. He'd answer the call without second thought, already knowing you were outside.
"How many times do I need to tell you to just use the doorbell like a normal person?" He'd growl down the phone, doing his best to act annoyed, though you knew he was anything but. In fact, he was actually extremely excited at the prospect of getting to spend time with you.
"I don't wanna disturb your family." You'd argue back, sweet, gentle voice coming through somewhat robotic on his phones speaker. He could only scoff, shaking his head as he all but ran down the stairs and opened the door. The moment his eyes met yours, he was pulling you inside, wrapping an arm over your shoulders and beginning to guide you towards the stairs that led to his bedroom. Though, he'd never been the luckiest person in the world, and the two of you were spotted before he could whisk you away.
"(y/n)!" Elliot would exclaim, throwing his arms up into the air as he made his way over, Diane close behind. The older couple would give you the same welcoming smiles that they always did, pulling you into a warm hug and asking how you'd been. Judd was unsure how he felt about the fact you got along so well with his family. On one hand, it was frustrating. He'd do anything to just be able to rush you upstairs and have his way with you without any interruption. But on the other, he couldn't deny the way his heart ached at the sight of you laughing with his sister and mother, or helping his dad out in the kitchen. You seemed to slot yourself into their dynamic with such ease, as if you belonged. The idea was sweet. Not that he'd dare voice that thought aloud. At least, not this early in the relationship.
"Judd didn't tell us you were coming over." Diane would hum, eyeing her eldest child with a look of annoyance. His mother wasn't a fan of how he tried to hide you away. It wasn't like he was ashamed of being with you, the mere idea of that was laughable. He simply wasn't a fan of his entire family knowing what he was getting up to in his spare time. Especially when it came to his activities in the bedroom. Besides, he wanted to save you at least some of your dignity.
"Oh, it was kind of a last minute decision." You'd explain, though that wasn't true at all. Every time you left Judd's company, he'd make sure to create plans for when you'd next hang out. He didn't like last minute decisions, and he wanted to ensure there would always be a definite time for him to see you. He craved your company in a way he'd never experienced, and so, he didn't like the idea of going without it for too long.
"That's no problem. We'll set a place for you at dinner right next to Judd-y." Elliot would nod, smiling down at you. Though, Judd was quick to intervene.
"No need. We'll eat in my room. I don't need Leah and her friends sending (y/n) deaf." He'd roll his eyes, tightening his grip around your shoulder, hand running along your arm affectionately. He'd never imagined himself to be a physically affectionate person until he met you, but he just couldn't seem to get enough.
"Don't be rude, Judd." Diane would chastise, despite the small smirk that rested on her lips. Even she had to admit that her daughters friends spoke in a tone too high pitched to be natural. "You know how important family dinner is to your father." Elliot would simply shake his head, patting his wife's back.
"Don't worry about it. I'm sure these two just want as much time together as they can get. I remember when we were like that. I couldn't keep my hands off of you when we first got together." The older man would sigh lovingly as he stared at his wife, bringing her closer by the waist. Diane would chuckle under her breathe, grinning.
"You're still like that now." She'd note, causing Judd to hold himself back from gagging. He was used to his parents open-nature when it came to anything surrounding the subject of sex and physical intimacy, but he'd rather they didn't freak you out with it.
"Right, well, we'll be going." He'd grumble, successfully guiding you up the stairs this time. He was quick to shove you into his room, shutting the door once he was inside with you.
"I think it's sweet how your parents are still so in love, I mean-" You were cut off by Judd slamming your back against the bedroom door and practically shoving his tongue down your throat. He didn't want to talk about his parents right now. He'd been thinking about you all day, ever since he'd first woken up to a painful hard on with nothing but the thought of you on his mind.
"Stop talking about them." He'd grumble against your lips, his knee moving to slot between your legs and rub against your crotch. Instantly, a breathless moan escaped you, causing him to grin. He'd never get used to just how reactive you were to his touch. Just the pretty noises you made were enough to have him straining against his pants.
One of his hands would move to rest against the back of your head, fingers weaving into your hair and guiding your head ever so slightly back. Slowly pulling back from the kiss, a thin strand of saliva would form between your lips, a smug grin pulling at his mouth. Those wide doe eyes of yours would never fail to make his heart thump in his chest.
"You miss me?" He'd ask, nosing at your cheek before beginning to trail kisses along your jaw. Maybe the question made him sound needy, pathetic even, but he couldn't help it. "I missed you." He'd admit, kisses moving down to your neck now, quickly finding that one spot that had your head leaning back and hips gliding over his leg. His tongue would run over the skin, before he bit down gently, humming at your salty taste. "Know how many times I fucked my fist thinking 'bout you this morning?" He'd all but growl.
"Judd..." You'd sigh, tilting your head to the side as if to offer up more skin for his mouth to attach to. Though, you quickly froze up when you heard the loud laughter coming from the direction of Leah's room. Judd could only groan, continuing to bury his face into your neck and assault your soft skin with his mouth. "They're g'nna hear us." You'd whimper, his hips rolling against your lower belly.
"Don't give a shit." He'd huff out, shaking his head as his hands began to slide under your shirt, thumbs running under the wire of your bra. Instinctively, you'd press your chest further into his touch, arching your back in the process. He'd grin to himself. "Let them hear." He really couldn't care less if Leah and her little friends heard him fucking you. They were allowed to be as loud as they wanted and disturb his peace, so now he'd disturb theirs.
"But-" You'd choke out the singular word, cut off by how his hands slid beneath your bra and cupped your breasts. He'd quickly get to work, pinching at your nipples and rolling them between his fingers and thumbs. God, he could play with your pretty tits all day if you let him. He'd worship every part of your body for as long as possible.
"Just shut up." He'd bite out, pulling back to glare down at you. It wasn't a mean glare, but one of lust and need. He craved you, needed you in every possible way he could have you. "Don't you wanna make me feel good, huh? Just ignore them and focus on me. Gonna make us both feel so good, baby." He'd mumble into the curve of your jaw, hands sliding down to your waist and beginning to undo the button of your jeans. You seemed to finally give in, nodding and helping him pull down the offending clothing.
As he yanked them down your legs, he'd sink onto his knees, staring up at you as he did so. His lips would travel over your thighs, pressing gentle kisses to the soft skin every now and then. He'd help you step out of the jeans, leaving you in a pair of pretty navy panties. His fingers would trail affectionately over the lacy material, groaning under his breath as he toyed with the edges.
"So pretty like this, baby." He'd murmur into your skin, pressing another kiss to your inner thigh, hearing you whimper in response. His hands would move back to cup your ass, groping at the flesh as his kisses moved up to your heat. He'd press a gentle kiss to the front of your panties, grinning when your hips jolted forward, chasing him as he pulled away. You were so damn desperate, no matter how many times he had his way with you. Every time was like the first.
"Judd." You'd groan out, one of your hands moving through his hair this time, yanking on it so that his gaze met yours once again. You were frustrated, that much was obvious. "Just want you. Now." You'd whisper.
He wasted no time in rising to his feet again, pulling down his own pyjama pants as he did so. He never wore underwear underneath; that was something you'd learnt pretty early on. You'd almost moan at the sight of his length, a bead of pre already leaking from the pink tip. You couldn't stop yourself from running your thumb over it and bringing it up to your lips, causing Judd to groan in response. You were so damn hot without even trying to be.
With that, his hands would grab at the back of your thighs, arms working to lift you up into his hold and wrap your legs around his waist. Your back remained pressed into the door, and his fingers would waste no time in pushing your panties to the side. A low hum rumbled at the back of his throat as he ran his shaft through your folds a couple of times, lubing himself up with your arousal. Then, as if the two of you were running out of time, he'd press himself into you to the hilt, groaning as he rested there. You'd cry and claw at him, arms wrapped tightly around his neck, one hand lost in his hair.
You'd breathe in slow unison, both doing your best to catch your breath and relax. It wasn't often you went straight into it like this, Judd always preferred to play about with you a bit first. But, who was he to deny you when you sounded all whiny and looked at him with those big, pleading eyes of yours? He was weak for you, and he made no attempt to hide it. He'd give you a few moments to get used to the size of him, feeling your velvety walls clench around him and holding himself back from just pounding into you.
Soft hands would play with his hair, and your lips would press to his cheek. He took that as a sign to move, and so, he did. His hips would roll up into yours, making sure to go slowly at first, allowing you to feel just how deep he could reach at this angle. You'd whine and mewl in his ear, his face burying itself into the crook of your neck, breathless pants escaping him. You were so tight, so warm, so perfect. His hands remained resting on your ass, fingers flexing as he groaned into your skin.
"That's it... That's all you wanted, huh? All you ever want, hm? Such a slut for me." He'd murmur, feeling you nod in response, eyes squeezed shut. Slowly, his hips were beginning to pick up the pace, his own need to feel you overwhelming him. "You like that? Like feeling how deep I can go?" He'd continue to ramble, slowly moving to push one of your legs up to your chest until it hooked over his shoulder. You'd whine out, throwing your head back. He was even deeper now.
"God, Judd, feels good... So full." You'd moan weakly, head tilting to the side, jaw hanging open. All kinds of small sounds continued to pour from your lips, and he'd do his best to memorise every single one. His forehead would press against yours, gaze never daring to glance away from your own. He loved watching you fall apart for him, loved seeing just how much he affected you.
"Yeah? You like that?" He'd hum, grinning sadistically as he once again picked up the pace. He was practically slamming into you now, his own body keeping you pressed to the door as his hips pounded into your own. The door would creak with each movement, and he was sure just about anybody in the house would be able to hear your loud moans now, but he couldn't find it in himself to care. The only thing on his mind was feeling you cum around him, and so, that was what he continued to work towards.
"Judd..." You'd stutter out between sob-like moans, tears appearing in the corners of your eyes, hands travelling up to cup either side of his face. He'd turn to press a quick kiss to the palm of your hand before going back to focusing on his ruthless pace. That familiar coil was forming in your belly, and you knew you wouldn't be able to hold on much longer. Your head was spinning, and you could feel hot tears of pleasure cascading down your cheeks. He was pounding into you so deeply, hitting all the right spots that made your toes curl and back arch. "Fuck, Judd." You'd babble, glancing down at where your bodies connected, seeing how he moved in and out of you with such ease.
Though, he was quick to steal your attention, nudging his forehead against your own and huffing out. "Eyes on me." He'd murmur. "Wanna see your eyes when I make you cum." You could only whimper in response, brows furrowing as he chased your orgasm. With just a few more harsh strokes, your legs would begin to shake, and that familiar feeling of white, hot, pleasure would come down upon you. You'd let out a loud cry, and he'd gasp, picking up his pace yet again. It wasn't long until he was reaching his own breaking point, feeling himself spill inside of you, eyes still holding your gaze. There was something so intimate and loving about the way he stared at you, the way he handled you with such gentleness.
The two of you would stay in place for a while, continuing to stare at one another, breath mingling together as one. He'd lean into your touch on his face, momentarily allowing his eyes to close now as he regained his strength. His hands would slowly massage your trembling thighs, helping you to calm down, relax. A low sigh would escape him before he began to pull himself out of you, moaning as he did. With that, he'd carry you over to the bed, placing you into it with gentle care.
"You okay?" He'd hum, leaning down to brush some hair from your face. His eyes held nothing but care and affection in them, his touch tender. You'd nod, panting and chasing his touch, causing him to grin. "Let me get a cloth for you." He'd grumble, reluctantly pulling away to begin cleaning you up.
The process wasn't long, and he was in bed with you in no time, arms wrapped around you, holding you to his chest. He loved being able to just hold you and relax with you like this, the two of you simply existing with one another, appreciating each others company. These were his favourite moments, the ones where all he could hear was the sound of your light breathing, and all he could feel was your body against his. Of course, the moment couldn't last, and before long it was interrupted by his brother opening his bedroom door.
"Judd, mum says you need to come down for dinner-" Nick was cut off by the sight of the you laid across Judd's chest. His face would grow a deep shade of red, eyes wide. Soon enough, his pervy little friend was stood behind him, also taking in the view. The two boys would simply freeze, eyeing up the sleeping girl in his bed.
He was quick to act, grabbing hold of a pillow and throwing it in their direction, pulling up the blankets so that no part of you was on view to them. He'd die before he let Nick and his freaky friend get a look at any part of you belonging to him. Those kinds of views were for his eyes only.
"Get the fuck out!" He'd yell, pushing you gently off of his chest and sitting up to cover you with his own body. The boys would yelp and run away when they saw Judd sit up, slamming the door shut as they left. Though he was glad they were gone, he could feel you beginning to stir beside him. He'd kill them later for waking you up.
"What is it?" You'd huff out, rubbing at your eyes and leaning up. Judd would run a hand over your arm, smiling at the sight of you so groggy from your power nap.
"Dinner." He'd huff out. "I'll go down and get you a plate, yeah? You stay here." He'd insist, though you seemed to have other plans, shaking your head and slowly moving to sit up.
"No, we should eat with your family, don't wanna be rude." You'd mumble, fixing your hair and slowly crawling out of his bed on shaky legs. He'd groan, not only at the idea of having to sit through dinner with his family, but also at the thought of not being able to just lay in bed with you for a little while longer.
He'd helped you get dressed into a pair of his jogging bottoms and an oversized shirt, before beginning to guide you downstairs. He'd grin proudly to himself when he noticed the shake in your legs as you came down the stairs, but you were quick to slap at his chest, causing him to huff.
His parents would give him knowing looks as the two of you entered the dining room and he pulled out a chair for you, but he'd choose to ignore them, focusing on you instead. You gave him that sweet smile that never failed to make his heart flutter, before taking a seat and allowing him to push you in. As he moved to his seat beside you, he'd finally notice Leah's friends who were sat at the table, greeting him and completely disregarding your presence.
"Hey Judd.."
"Hi..."
"Wanna watch me eat a sausage?"
Judd could feel bile raise in his throat, but he did well to just roll his eyes and ignore them, biting back an insult that he knew both you and his mum would tell him off for. Leah would glare at her friends and give them a look of warning, which they seemed to completely ignore.
You, on the other hand, didn't find it so easy to ignore their flirtatious tones. It was uncomfortable to hear other girls openly flirt with the guy you were sleeping with, of course it was. And, to make matters worse, it wasn't exactly a secret that you were sleeping with him; you were in his house, wearing his clothes and eating a meal his parents had made (not to mention the fact they'd most definitely heard him having his way with you less than an hour ago). Yet, despite all of that, they continued to flirt with him like you weren't even in the room.
Neither you or Judd had brought up the topic of a relationship in the last few months. Things were good as they were, and the two of you were comfortable in the little routine you'd created. You had no idea what his thoughts were, but you'd most definitely begun to fall for him. Your heart slammed against your ribcage every-time you caught him so much as look in your direction at school, cheeks growing hot whenever his shoulder grazed yours in the halls. The sex was great, no doubt, but you wanted more than just that. You enjoyed his company, craved it. You wanted to be able to spend time with him without using the excuse of wanting a good fuck. Not that you'd ever bring it up to him. As far as you knew, you were nothing but a way to get off for him. Sure, he spoke to you sweetly and gave you better treatment than you ever thought he was capable of, but what if that was just how he was with every girl he slept with? He could be a gentleman and still keep his reputation of an asshole.
Whilst you zoned out, Judd would take it upon himself to grab hold of your plate and begin to place food onto it. As he did so, he could feel Leah's stare on him, causing his natural frown to grow deeper. He already knew she had something to ask.
"Um, hey, Judd..." She'd say as sweetly as possible, staring at her older brother with a look of hope. He was already bored of whatever this was.
"Whatever it is, fuck off." He didn't even glance in her direction, making sure to give you an extra scoop of the potatoes he knew you loved. Then, he was sliding the plate in front of you, grabbing his own plate and scooping on just about the same thing he'd given you.
"Oh, come on! I just want you to text your hook-up in the city and, like, buy us some mushrooms tomorrow." She'd plead, holding her hands to her chest as if to look somewhat innocent. It was ironic, considering she'd just asked for drugs.
"Yeah, we wanna get high and figure out if we're actually friends." One of her friends would chime in, writhing in her seat in an attempt to look cute. Judd didn't even bother glancing in their direction.
"Please? We'll pay you double." Leah would add on, which seemed to finally convince him.
"Fine. I'm saving up for a pressure cooker." He'd grumble, placing his own plate in front of himself and shoving some chicken into his mouth.
The group of girls seemed to light up upon hearing his agreement, cheering amongst themselves and smiling brightly at him like he was God's greatest gift. Just the way they ogled him was enough to have you shuffling in your seat, feeling a strange possessiveness build up inside of you. You weren't used to this; you'd never been jealous over a person. Were you being pathetic? Would he laugh at you if he knew you were feeling this way? Probably.
"You're our hero, Judd." A brunette girl would sigh.
"I love you, like, for real." Another would chime in, sending Judd a look of pure adoration.
"Gabrielle!" Leah would exclaim, sending her friend a look of disapproval.
"What? Your brother's hot!" The girl would defend herself, causing your face to scrunch up as you did your best to focus on the food in front of you rather than their conversation. Judd seemed to ignore them with such ease, why couldn't you?
"Seriously, he's such a badass." Another would murmur, eyeing him up like a piece of meat. It just didn't sit right with you. Everyone at school was always too scared of Judd to approach him, you'd never expected girls to fawn over him like this.
As if noticing your distress, Judd would glance at you out of the corner of his eyes, taking in the way you stabbed at the meat on your plate. His hand would move to run along your leg, before he affectionately squeezed your thigh, brows ever so slightly raised, silently asking if you were alright.
You couldn't tell him that the way they spoke about him upset you. He'd probably panic about the fact you were clearly growing feelings for him and kick you out. So, you just smiled and continued to eat, leaving him to watch you in confusion.
"Exciting, the Birch house, isn't it?" Nick's barely moustached friend, Andrew, would sigh, eyes trained on you. Judd's gaze would sharpen when he saw how the two boys were looking at you, knuckles turning white from how tightly he clutched at his knife and fork.
"Don't talk to her, you little shit." He'd grunt out, giving Andrew a deadly stare that had the smaller boy shrinking back in his seat. You'd turn to Judd, shaking your head as if to tell him to stop scaring the kid. He'd huff, subtly moving his chair closer to yours, knee brushing your own. He had no doubt the creepy teen would be having wet dreams about you later, and that made his stomach turn.
"You wanna come with me tomorrow?" Judd would hum as he ate, tone low, eyes glancing at you every now and then, trying to gauge your reaction. You'd freeze for a moment, turning to him. He'd never really asked you to hang out like that. At least, not anywhere that wasn't at school or his house. Going out with him like that would be new. "To get the 'shrooms for Leah and her pack of crows." He'd nod his head over to the lively girls, as if you'd been confused by what he meant.
"Yeah, 'course." You'd smile in return, nodding. Though, you still felt a slight discomfort in your stomach. The flirty glances Leah's friends continued to send Judd didn't go unnoticed by you, and you weren't sure how much longer you could put up with it.
Dinner didn't last too long after that, and by the end of it, you'd only managed to finish about half of what Judd had put on your plate. Clearly, the continuous comments and looks from Leah's friends had ruined your appetite.
Now, you found yourself back in Judd's room, sat in his bed scrolling through your phone as he sat on the side lifting some weights and watching you. He'd noticed how off you'd been at dinner, and the urge to find out what was bothering you gnawed at him. You always finished whatever his parents had made you for dinner, not only because you thought they'd hate you if you didn't, but because you genuinely enjoyed his father's cooking. After a while, it was clear you weren't going to say anything, so he took it upon himself, placing the weight to the side and moving to rest a hand at your ankle.
"What's up with you?" He'd grunt, brows narrowed in question. You looked sad, uncomfortable, and he hated it. He was so used to you being giggly and playful around him, so to see you like this was unsettling. It didn't feel right.
"Nothing." You'd glance up, meeting his gaze and shrugging your shoulders. Then, you went back to your phone like nothing was wrong. No, he wasn't having that. You weren't going to just shrug this off like you weren't pouting and feeling sorry for yourself. He could read you like a book by now, and that frown on your lips was telling him you were anything but fine. So, his hand wrapped around your ankle, pulling you further down the bed so that he could climb on top of you.
"Talk to me." He'd huff, snatching your phone from your hands and placing it to the side, ignoring how you whined in protest. He was practically straddling you by now, hands either side of your head. It took all of his willpower to ignore the rise and fall of your chest.
"'S nothing, I already told you." You'd huff out, resting beneath him with a defiant look in your eyes.
"Stop being such a fucking brat and tell me." He'd demand, hand travelling down to slide beneath the sweatpants he'd given you and glide over your folds. Your entire body would jolt, eyes growing hooded as you bit your bottom lip. "I'm not stupid, can tell something's bothering you."
"Never said you were stupid." You'd whine, hips rolling up to chase his fingers, which he quickly pulled away. A noise of upset left you, which made him grin.
"Tell me what you're thinking about." He'd encourage, thumb moving to draw slow circles over your clit, eliciting a breathless moan from you. You looked conflicted, as if debating whether or not to really tell him what was on your mind. A part of you wanted to, wanted to just confess your jealousy and hope he'd comfort and reassure you. But, another part of you was screaming not to, telling you that it would be stupid to even mention the thought to him, that he'd just shrug it off and call you an idiot. Finally, after a few more strokes of his thumb, you'd break, gaze tracing over anything but him as you let out a shaky breath of air.
"I don't like how Leah's friends look at you." You'd whisper, head turning to the side to look at the wall. Judd's movements would pause as he hovered over you, a look of confusion overcoming his features.
"How they look at me?" He'd repeat. You'd nod.
"How they look at you. How they speak about you." You'd add on, moving to brush away some hair that had fallen into your face, nervously fiddling with the strands. Judd would take a few moments to think about your words, before a small grin settled on his features. "Like you're a piece of meat."
"Yeah?" He'd hum. "You sure you're not just jealous?" He'd grumble, leaning down to press a kiss to the love bite he'd left on your neck earlier. A shiver would run down your spine, back arching off of the bed as you chased his lips.
"No." You're respond quickly, lips pulling into a pout. You knew this would happen, knew he'd just make fun of you. You shouldn't have said anything. His hand would move back to your cunt, fingers gliding ever so gently through your folds, causing you to whine and gasp.
"You're not?" He'd hum. "Not jealous of how they were trying to flirt with me? Of how they look at me?" He'd ask, collecting your arousal on his fingers before bringing them up to his lips and taking them into his mouth, allowing himself a taste of you. A low hum escaped him, and he was quick to move his fingers from his mouth to yours, allowing you a taste as well. "'S not a bad thing, baby. It's kind of cute." He'd shrug, making you whine around his fingers as they stuffed your mouth full. A low chuckle left him.
"You worried I enjoy it? Worried I like 'em?" He'd ask, gaze never breaking from your own. You seemed to hesitate for a moment, but when his fingers moved from your mouth and back down to your crotch, you'd quickly find yourself nodding. Judd would coo mockingly, tutting under his breath. "Poor thing." He'd mumble, hand moving again.
Slowly, he'd begin to sink down on the bed, until he was face to face with your heat, lips ghosting over the material of the sweats you wore. His gaze was heavy on your face, hands smoothing over your clothed thighs as he continued to rile you up.
"Did you see me look at them? Even once?" He'd ask, moving forward to press a soft kiss to the material. "When did I ever even glance in their direction, huh?" He'd practically growl. "Didn't, did I?" You shook your head in response.
"No." You'd mewl, staring down at him, using your forearms to hold you up so you could watch him.
"So what makes you think I like 'em? In what world would I give them even a moment of my time, huh? Acting like I wasn't up here fucking you an hour before dinner." He'd hum, slowly pulling the sweatpants down, grinning as you lifted your hips to help him. You were always so damn eager and willing. Such a good girl for him. He'd take your panties along with them, wanting to just get to your skin. "Such a greedy little thing, huh? Don't even want other girls looking at me?"
"Yeah." You'd admit breathlessly, nodding like an idiot. You didn't care how pathetic you looked right about now, all you could think about was having his mouth on your cunt. He'd chuckle when he heard your agreement, shaking his head and pressing a soft kiss to your clit.
"Those annoying shits don't stand a chance with me, sweet thing." He'd murmur, pressing more kisses over your inner thighs. "Not when I've got you." He'd grin.
With that, he was leaning down, pressing a gentle, open-mouthed kiss to your heat, causing you to gasp and lift your hips from the bed. He was quick to react, wrapping his arms around your thighs and taking hold of your hips, holding you down so that you couldn't move. His tongue would flick out to move in tight circles over your clit, lips pulling into a smug smirk when you cried out a moan.
"Such a pretty girl. All mine, right?" He'd murmur into your pussy, licking a long stripe through your folds and humming as your arousal collected on his tongue. You were so sweet.
"Yeah." You'd squeak out, making him chuckle.
"Mhm, and I'm all yours, yeah?" He'd continue to ask, knowing you weren't really in the right mind to be answering questions right now. His mouth was attacking your heat, and he expected you to respond to every word he asked.
"Uh-huh." You'd sigh, nodding deliriously.
"Smart girl. My smart girl." He'd praise, moving his thumb up to rub circles over your bundle of nerves, tongue moving down to kitten-lick over your hole, leaving your walls to clench around nothing. Breathless gasps and whimpers would continue to pour from you, going straight to his head.
"Judd." You'd sigh out, head thrashing from one side to the other as you did your best to contain the sheer need you felt for the man between your legs. He'd just continue to chuckle to himself as he heard your whines, applying more pressure to your clit with his thumb.
"Mm? My jealous girl need something? What d'you need, baby?" He'd coo almost sadistically, evil eyes staring up at you as he leaned away from your heat. You'd sob at the loss of contact, attempting to roll your hips but failing due to his grip on them.
"Wanna cum." You'd huff, one hand moving to rest on his head, attempting to guide his mouth back down. He'd refuse, remaining where he was and grinning.
"You g'nna be good? G'nna tell me when you're upset next time instead of being a little brat and ignoring me?" He'd ask, causing you to immediately nod along. You'd agree to anything if it meant he'd finish what he'd started. "Need your words, baby. C'mon." He'd encourage, causing you to sob.
"Yes, Judd, do what ever you want." You'd whine.
"Don't cry, baby." He'd hum, leaning back down and moving his hand away from your clit, fingers circling around your entrance now. His tongue would move to take over the job his thumb had been doing, kitten-licking at your bundle of nerves. "Been so good for me." He'd mumble.
With that, two fingers slowly slid into you, immediately beginning to pump in and out. He was practically making out with your cunt by now, fingers curling and hurling you towards your orgasm. Your own fingers would yank on his hair desperately, anchoring his face to you as you continued to try rolling your hips, still failing.
He was relentless in his movements now, giving you exactly what you'd asked for, though it was somewhat overwhelming. The pleasure was building quickly, not allowing your mind to keep up with your body. Before you could even register it, you were coming undone, chest heaving and moans vibrating in your throat as you felt yourself release. Judd would groan, lapping up whatever he could get, nose bumping with your clit every now and then, causing you to whine.
His lips continued to kiss at your cunt until you finally began to calm down, pussy growing sensitive and hips attempting to escape his touch as it grew too much. He'd hum, moving back up to lean over you until his lips met yours in a sweet kiss. It was slow and gentle, as if he was deliberately being soft with you.
"Meant what I said." He'd whisper against your lips, clean hand moving up to run over the side of your face, stroking your cheek tenderly with his thumb. "'M all yours, don't want anybody else like I want you, especially not Leah's bitchy friends." He'd grumble with a huff from his nose.
"Haven't wanted anybody else since we started... Only ever crave you, crave havin' you near me, crave your company." He'd explain, tongue momentarily sliding into your mouth, causing you to hum when you tasted yourself on it. Then, he'd pause, as if silently debating over something.
"I don't normally do the whole relationship thing, never thought I'd be any good at it." He'd admit quietly, leaning back to look at you beneath him. "But I want that with you. Want to know that you're mine, want everyone to know that you're mine and I'm yours." He'd confess almost shyly. You'd go silent for a while, causing him to frown and huff. "You don't have to say anything-"
You'd cut him off by pulling him down into another kiss, this one faster, more excited and passionate. "Yeah." You'd sigh. "I'd like that." You could feel him smile, genuinely smile, against your lips, causing your heart to flutter.
"Good." He'd growl. "Was gonna have to kill you if you said no."
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raven-at-the-writing-desk · 7 months ago
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I wanna see what’s Ace’s family’s reaction when they found out Ace is dating reader Heheheh
I decided to have only Ace's brother present, since Mr. and Mrs. Trappola have yet to receive strong characterization.
Family means Nobody is Left Behind or Forgotten.
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The Trappola brothers sat across from one another upon red velvet chairs, and you, between them. They were both intently focused on building a house of playing cards—a task that Ace had warned took “serious patience, coordination, and a gentle touch.” (You had rolled your eyes and responded, “Great. You let me know when you’ve found someone that has all that.”)
Ace carefully laid a Two of Spades down, formed a triangle with a Three of Clubs and a Four of Diamonds. His hand slowly retreated, and the triangle stayed. He expelled a sigh, directed away from the cards so as to not disturb them.
You would have clapped for him, but Ace had discouraged you before the game had even started. So instead, you tapped your index and middle fingers together. Still giving applause, but not nearly enough to rattle the house of cards.
“Your move.”
“Huh, you’ve gotten better at this,” his brother mused. He toyed with an Ace of Hearts, expertly twirling it between dexterous fingers. “Too bad. I was really looking forward to smoking you in front of your new friend.”
“In your dreams,” Ace sneered, passing you a glance. “The last thing I’d want is to look uncool in front of my partner.”
His brother drew himself up in his seat. The card in his hand, stilling. “Your partner? Since when were you two a thing?”
“Oh, you know… since a while ago,” Ace casually replied. “And honestly, I can’t really blame’m. Who wouldn’t fall for my dashing good looks and roguish charm? I’m a catch!”
His brother regarded you with an almost pitying look. “It’s not too late to change your mind,” he advised.
You burst into laughter. "I think I'm good. Ace is an idiot, but he's at least my idiot."
He raised an eyebrow. "So you've got a sense of humor. You'll need that if you're going to put up with Ace all of the time. Congrats, you passed the first test."
"Whaddya mean 'put up with' me?!" Ace protested, puffing up his cheeks. A pout--adorable, you think.
"I mean it exactly how I said it. It's practically a full-time job dealing with you," his brother replied cheekily. "You gotta prepare people for it, or else they won't know what they've signed up for."
"Oh, come on! You're making me sound way worse than I actually am."
"This, coming from the guy who ghosted his ex?" He smirked, and you could see the family resemblance in it. The slight narrowing of the eyes, the way his mouth angled. "I dunno, I was half expecting you to stay single forever after that royal screw-up, lil' bro. You're lucky you found someone willing to take you~"
Pink exploded onto Ace's cheeks. "H-Hey...!" he hissed, leaning toward his brother. "Did you seriously have to bring that up?! Have a little more tact, will ya?!"
The older Trappola grinned. "Gotcha."
You realized why.
Ace's sudden movement had sent a slight breeze against the card house. It wobbled from top to bottom--then the structure collapsed in on itself, the cards all folding into one another. Within seconds, the house was a pile on the coffee table.
Ace fell to his knees with a pathetic wail, scrambling to salvage his hard work. His brother looked on, chuckling. A card, still in his hand.
"I didn't place mine yet," he declared triumphantly, "and since you made the house fall, it's technically my win!"
"Y-You sneaky...! You taunted me on purpose!!"
"Yeah, and it worked like a charm." He flicked Ace on the forehead. "You were too busy trying to flex in front of your S/O. It was easy to take advantage of that. You always were a cocky, predictable brat."
"Grrrrr..!!"
"Ace, it's fine," you soothed him, a hand on his arm. "You did your best. It doesn't change how I feel about you."
"Tch, there you go being all sappy again... You're so lame sometimes," Ace grumbled--but he covered your hand with his. A small gesture, but a reassuring one.
"Hahah, look at you two lovebirds," his brother teased, wagging a finger at you. Then he reached out and roughly ruffled Ace's hair, despite his complaints and attempts to swat him away. "Happy for you though, lil' bro! You gotta tell me how this love story started--"
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markleessodalite · 3 months ago
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Relationship Quirks: NCT Dream
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content: just a headcanon about little quirks you had to get used to in your relationship with bf!dreamies :)
warnings: none really
a/n: i'm at that stage where i have 5 million different ideas of what to write and i have started on... none of them :/ but i WILL i MUST
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Mark:
He needs absolute silence during his night-time routine. Like, completely silent.
At some point you just stopped trying to be in the bedroom while he washes his face in the attached bathroom, bc even the slightest giggle at something on your phone would bother him.
His night routine is his relaxation time and he cannot have any disturbances
(and he works so hard every day that you don’t mind moving to another room while he decompresses)
Renjun:
He has a specific way of organizing the closet. But you don’t know how he does it bc he won't tell you.
You’ve tried to just watch him and figure it out but no matter where you put something, it's somehow always wrong.
Like you’ll hang up a shirt with the other shirts, but actually it was a blouse and you put it with the t-shirts and he has to go behind you and fix it.
And he’ll always tell you when its wrong too.
So now laundry is his special designated chore and you’re not allowed to do it
Jeno:
He spaces out. A lot.
Even in the middle of a conversation.
You eventually learned that you need to watch him as you talk to see if his eyes are unfocused, that's your clue.
And you have to pause between sentences to wait for a response, just a little nod or a ‘mhm,’ instead of yammering at a thousand miles an hour.
Its not like he’s purposefully tuning you out, he just has a mind that wanders. He can’t help it!
Haechan:
He can dish it out, but he can’t take it.
Meet lee donghyuck, the whiniest bf in the universe.
He loves to tease you if you say something weird or have a dumb moment, but the second you say something even half as sassy, you get the sigh.
And the eye roll.
And the slumped shoulders and silent treatment.
The only thing that can settle his mood is reassurance in the form of lots of physical affection ;)
Jaemin:
Forgets things. Everything. All the time.
If you want him to remember to do something, you have to write it down for him.
But he’ll also forget to keep that note with him, so you’ll either end up texting him or setting a reminder on his phone.
For a while you thought it was weaponized incompetence, but when he does remember something, he remembers every single detail.
He does everything just the way you want it, and he never complains about doing things for you.
He just has an absolute shit memory lol
Chenle:
He has to plan when to share a bed with you.
Chenle is just a very neat and tidy person. He likes his systems.
He also finds it hard to sleep when there’s too many distractions.
Its not that he dislikes sharing a bed with you, he likes it too much.
So if he’s got things to do or places to be in the morning, he must sleep by himself, or else he’ll spend all night yapping at you and try to spend the entirety of the next day in bed with you too.
Jisung:
Needs to plan everything with plenty of advance notice.
Jisung is just not spontaneous. By any means.
If you decide you wanna go shopping tomorrow, you better be ready to beg him to go with you.
And if you do get him out of the house, don’t you dare suggest going to a new, not previously discussed location, or he might literally cry.
To be fair, he has tried to improve on this ever since the two of you made plans for your first date… and he tried to set the date for 2 weeks later, which you took as disinterested obligation.
Now you know that Jisung would pretty much say yes to whatever you asked him to do– just give him enough time to mentally prepare for whatever outing you have planned!
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hanniebaeee · 6 months ago
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Under the Northern Lights
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Hyunjin x fem!reader
Warnings: SMUT MDNI
Genre: established relationship, fluff, smut
Summary: You and Hyunjin witness the Northern Lights for the first time ever, and the magical moment turns into a rather heated one!
a/n: It's my dream to explore Iceland and to witness the northern lights! Till I get there, let's just do it with Jinnie here 🤭
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It was warm, so warm. Hyunjin's arm was wrapped around your waist and his leg thrown over yours as he slept. His soft snores filled the quiet room, his breath fanning the back of your neck.
You two have had a busy day exploring a beautiful snowy village in Iceland. Hyunjin could barely move when you two got back - he'd had about enough of being on his feet for the day, and fell asleep almost immediately.
You’d been just as exhausted as him, but you'd woken up late at night after he managed to kick off the blankets as usual.
Your eyes cracked open, heavy-lidded and annoyed as you reached for the blanket. But then something else caught your attention. Outside the window.
"Ohh -" You sat upright, and Hyunjin jerked in his sleep grumbling something incoherent and burying his face in the pillow.
"Hyunjin! Get up!" You shook his shoulder, disturbing his slumber.
"Babe, I swear if this isn’t an emergency -”
"Just look!"
He groaned, peeling his eyes open (dramatically). The second he caught sight of the faint green glow outside, he shot upright, his mouth falling open.
"Is that...?"
"The northern lights!"
You were already hopping out of bed and fumbling for your coat. But Hyunjin was still blinking sleepily as you threw his jacket at him.
"Babe, it's soooo cold outside," he whined, dragging himself out of bed. "And I was having a really good dream…you were there, and chocolate, actually you in chocolate-"
"Oh my God Jinnie!! We made this trip to see exactly this, and you're stuck on your horny dreams!!"
"Horny dreams!?" He sounded offended, but his expression softened as he glanced at the lights swirling in the sky. "Okay, yeah, alright. Pants, pants... where are my pants?"
He got his pants to his face, of course.
After what felt like an eternity of fumbling, and a few swats to his butt ("Wear the pants, Jinnie!"), the two of you stumbled out into the cold night, boots crunching on the snow as the aurora borealis painted the skies above.
Hyunjin pulled you close as you both stared up, your breaths mingling in the chilly air.
"Wow," he murmured, his voice shaking with the cold.
"It's beautiful," you whispered, your heart swelling with happiness as you tilted your head back to take it all in.
"Okay, you were right to wake me up. But also, you’re totally making up for it later."
"Making up for what? Giving you the most magical moment of your life?"
"No, for interrupting my sleep. And my chocolate dream." He grinned down at you. "And not to be cheesy or anything, but the most magical moment of my life was the day you said yes. So yeah."
"Stop it." You laughed, and he pulled you closer, his nose brushing against yours.
“I love you, baby. I love it that we're doing this together,” He said, and before you could say anything, he kissed you - both your lips cold and a little numb.
And the way he sneaked his tongue into your mouth made your stomach flip. The lights danced above, but all you could feel was him - his warmth and the way he held you like you were the most precious thing in the world.
And then he pulled his phone out, because obviously you needed to record this moment. And a frozen photo shoot later, you both trudged back inside, in a hurry to get away from the chill.
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Hyunjin was already peeling off his layers the second the door closed behind you. He chucked his coat with a dramatic groan, running his hands through his short blond buzz cut.
He went on to take a look at the fireplace (an electric one unfortunately), and then got on the bed, holding his hand out.
"Alright, babe," he drawled. "Since you ruined my dream, I think it’s only fair we finish what I started in my head."
He grinned as he pulled you onto his lap.
You rolled your eyes, but you really loved it when he was this horny and lovesick. With a smile you cupped his cheeks in your hands and kissed him. His hands slid beneath your sweater, palms warm against your ribs as he kissed you like he’d been starving for days.
His hands moved up, cupping your breasts over your bra, and his thumbs ran over your hard nipples, perked up.
"Fuck baby," he murmured against your lips, his breath hot as his hands squeezed your breasts. "You cold?"
"More like really hot" you gasped, your hands sliding over the blond fuzz on his head and your nails scraping his scalp.
"Mhm," he managed, his lips trailing down your jaw, his teeth grazing your skin all the way to your collarbone. "You looked so hot all bundled up, and now…”
His nibbled on your skin, sending a shiver down your spine. He pulled back enough to pull your sweater over your head and tossed it aside, before finding the waistband of your leggings, tugging them down as his lips were on yours again.
"Jinnie," you whispered, your voice trembling as his hands worked on getting rid of the rest of your clothes.
You watched him undress as the northern lights danced outside, casting a faint glow through the window. You couldn’t help but think how beautiful he looked as he leaned in and his lips grazed the side of your neck, sending a shiver down your spine.
Hyunjin’s kisses were hot and demanding, his lips urging you to respond with the same intensity. And you could feel his hardness press against you, and it made your heart race even faster.
He kissed his way down, his lips hovering over chest, eyes locked with yours before his tongue peeked out, placing a tiny lick on your nipple.
That was enough for your core to clench and with a little smirk he closed his lips on the little bud and sucked relentlessly, making you moan. Your hands gripped his shoulders, your nails digging into his skin as he gave your other nipple the same attention.
And you glanced down to see them glistening with his spit.
“Hyunjin,” you gasped, your voice shaky as you pulled him closer. “Please.”
He grinned against your skin, the mischievous glint in his eyes never fading.
“You’re so fucking hot,” he muttered before lifting your hips slightly, and without any warning put his mouth directly on your wet folds.
Your body jerked with shock, and it didn't stop him from running his tongue over your dripping heat. You were falling apart under him, your body shaking as he licked and sucked on your puffy clit.
The sensation of his tongue inside you, and his soft hair against your inner thighs has your body quaking with need. And he kept going at it until finally with a quick flick of his tongue, you came undone, gushing into his mouth as he held you close.
He was painfully hard now, and the faint layer of sweat on his chest and forehead looked so damn enticing in the pale light. The look he gave you was raw and desperate, and you wasted no time pulling him close and kissing him.
Tasting yourself on his lips was seriously the most intimate, most satisfying thing ever. He moaned as you kissed his neck and bit down on the spot right below his jaw, making him grind down on you.
"Please baby," He whispered and shifted, positioning himself between your legs and you could feel his length prodding at your entrance.
Your eyes met again and you gave him a soft nod. He entered you slowly, pulling a soft moan from your lips as you both adjusted to the sensation, the feeling of being stretched open settling over you.
His movements were rhythmic, pushing you both to the edge and he kissed you, his hands gripping your hips as he drove deeper into you.
“Hyunjin…” you breathed, gasping for air as he made you feel every inch of him. He moved faster, harder, and you met each thrust with equal need, your body trembling.
“Fuck, I need you,” he groaned, his voice strained as he held you close, his eyes twinkling with love and lust.
You felt your release building, your breath hitching as you tipped over the edge and clenched around him tight. His movements were sloppier as he chased his own release, and he came with a groan, burying his face into your neck as he spilled inside you.
Breathing heavily, hand gently stroked your hair, his lips brushing your forehead as you both recovered.
“I love you,” he whispered, his voice soft.
“I love you too,” you replied, pressing a soft kiss on his chest.
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As the morning light seeped through the small window of your room, you knew that you two had overslept. The warmth of Hyunjin's body beside you was comforting, and you watched him with love before pressing a soft kiss on the corner of his mouth.
His eyes were still closed, but he smiled. A sweet sleepy one. And he looked so adorable (and a little too hot for his own good).
Your hand, almost of its own accord, slid down to where he was already hard and straining against his shorts. A spark of heat shot through you, as your palm cupped his length, putting on a little pressure.
You couldn’t resist teasing him, and Hyunjin opened his eyes slowly, his smile widening.
“What are you doing baby?” He mumbled and you didn't answer him, just moved down, pulling his shorts off him.
He was wide awake now, propped up on his elbows watching you as you stroked him gently.
“What did I do to deserve this?” He asked, his voice husky.
“You're you,” you whispered, and he groaned as your lips closed around his pink tip.
And yeah…you two didn't make it to the sight seeing tour you'd booked.
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Divider by @saradika-graphics
Tags: @moonchild9350 @velvetmoonlght @eastjonowhere @pixie-felix @sailor--sun
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w2soneshots · 2 months ago
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Girl dad -ChrisMD
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words: 0.9k+
warnings: mentions of pregnancy, birth and postpartum depression.
summary: some fluffy chrismd girl dad headcanons.
notes: Life has been lifeing recently so my posts are annoyingly irregular but here’s this to hold you over until I get my shit together😫. Love ya girlys, missed uuu!!🫶🏼💞 (also thank you so much to anyone who sent in ideas, I appreciate you sm💅🏼)
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• "A girl? Really?!" Was Chris' reaction when you told him the gender of your baby, the only reason you hadn't found out together was that the ultrasound technician had accidentally said 'she' during an appointment that Chris couldn't make it to. You weren't mad since everyone's human and she was extremely apologetic plus it was quite sweet telling Chris when no one else was around.
• After that day, you started putting together the nursery and every other time Chris went on a shoot that had Ethan, Danny or Simon on it he'd come back with a list of things that we needed to buy, which was actually very helpful since you had no idea you had to buy a baby bottle washer, cooler and warmer.
• Though you were having a girl she would definitely still be wearing the little arsenal jersey Chris had brought many months ago for announcing the news of your pregnancy to his friends (whose reactions were mostly shock and then extreme excitement).
• One night you and him sat in your baby's almost complete room. You were folding and organising the freshly washed little rompers and dresses while he built the comfortable nursing chair you'd bought. The room was completely silent but you were both so content, every other minute you'd glance over at each other and just smile. This was the life you'd always dreamed of... peaceful and happy.
• When you're little girl decided to make her arrival two weeks early while you were in the car on the way home from your parents house, Chris sped to the hospital, glancing over to you every few seconds. Though you were in pain Chris was way more stressed than you so you ended up reassuring him... "babe. Everything's fine, take a deep breath."
• It all ended up being absolutely fine. Though you got to the hospital within the skin of your teeth and she was born just fifteen minutes after you walked through the front doors, none of it mattered when your baby was placed on your chest.
• In the moment, when your baby girls cries filled the hospital room you looked over at Chris. His hand was holding yours tightly as tears streamed down his cheeks. Once his eyes met yours he smiled, leaned forward to press a kiss to your forehead and whispered, "you did so well. I'm so proud of you my love."
• The first few weeks were hard. You were so happy and grateful to have a healthy baby but you were absolutely exhausted.
• Chris would get up with you every. single. time. your alarm went off to feed Annabelle -which is what you decided her name should be- that helped a little since it ment you didn't feel so alone.
• Eventually, the doctor diagnosed you with postpartum depression. Chris was the one to sit you down and gently ask if the both of you should look into it, since he had noticed just how difficult you were finding everything. Which in the end run you were extremely grateful for.
• After some lifestyle changes and online appointments with a therapist each week you started to feel significantly better, thankfully you caught it early so you didn't fall deeper into the dark hole. Months later you felt like a new person, finally truly enjoying motherhood.
• "Babe?" You called groggily after waking up, realising you'd just had a full eight hours of uninterrupted sleep for the first time in... you couldn't remember actually. You got up to find Chris fast asleep in Annabelle's room on the rocking chair -clearly having taken the night shift as not to disturb you- while she also slept soundly in her cot. You smiled then left him to sleep. When he eventually got up and joined you on the couch you gave him the biggest hug and thanked him, he brushed it off as though it was nothing but you were so grateful that you had him.
• One day you sat in George and Arthur Hills apartment, the both of them meeting the baby for the first time and Chris was being extremely protective over your fragile little girl (which you weren't exactly mad about). "Wash your hands first!" "Hold her head properly!" He would instruct before adding a quiet "...please?" at the end.
• The dad jokes came in full force, he was constantly coming out with funny little one liners that always make you chuckle. A good example of one being when he said that Annabelle had more hair than Theo - which was even funnier because she actually had quite a lot of blonde hair, just like her dad.
• As soon as Annabelle could walk Chris was already -attempting to- teach her football and you would often find them sat together on the couch intently watching an arsenal game, which she surprisingly -but not so surprisingly- loved.
• "She's going to be in the big leagues one day," Chris quietly said into your ear with a proud smile as you watched your daughter play in her first actual football game at four years old. "She inherited your skills," you replied, your eyes admiring how happy she looked running around the pitch.
• "All done sweetheart." "Thank you daddy!" Annabelle beamed as she pulled the plat that Chris had just done for her to the front so she could admire it in the mirror. Minutes later she raced into the kitchen to show you. "Look mummy! Daddy did my hair!" Chris trailed behind her and you looked up at him in surprise. "It looks amazing sweetheart," you smiled at her before turning your attention to Chris, "when did you learn to do that?" "The other day. Watched a youtube video," he replied simply. "That's adorable." As if you couldn't love him more.
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sheepispink · 10 days ago
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lowerranksoldier!Reader who, after an unfortunate fire, is forced to share rooms with Lieutenant Ghost of all people. Unfortunately for reader, they’re only coping mechanism is balling their eyes out every night
fluff, silly, ghost being a lil protective ;)
part 1
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Loud alarms blared around the block in which you stayed in the barracks, shaking you from your slumber and making you blink haphazardly as the noise now vibrated through your entire body. It sounded like the fire alarm, and whilst you were usually awake by the sound of your commanding officer’s footsteps, it was such an unusual sound that it hadn’t startled you this time. Figuring it must be a drill, you quickly climb out of bed, following the other equally exhausted soldiers out of your room. However, your eyes quickly snap awake as a strong burning smell penetrates the area. You cough immediately, seeing that a blazing fire had somehow consumed the room directly next door to you. It made sense now– the fumes had been the one to make you so drowsy– so you quickly slap your sleeve over your mouth and nose, glancing back one last time at the bright orange flames that threaten to lick at you before dashing away down the corridor with many others your age, struggling to get outside into the fresh air.
You were out on the freezing tarmac for nearly three hours before something was done about the fire– all because of some stupid idiot who couldn't be bothered to walk two steps outside to smoke his cig. The girl beside you leans against your shoulder as she groans, exhausted– you don't even know her but trying times really does bring people together you suppose.
Similarly, that’s exactly how you got placed in this predicament, not even close to qualify as a Sergeant and somehow standing before a Lieutenant’s room. Just with your luck, the fire had spread into your room seconds after, consuming quite a few rooms on the corridor. You were in nothing but some crappy pajamas, not that you cared about that right now when you had been sent to the lion’s den itself.
‘Lieutenant Ghost’
the label read, standing proudly beside the door that you’re terrified to knock on. When the assignments had gone around, everyone was in a chatter, some excited to finally room with the soldiers they admired and others partnered with officers that were similar to hell itself. Well, you’d take any officer who’d make you do jumping jacks before bed if it meant you didn’t have to disturb a lieutenant—Ghost of all people too. The stories were terrifying enough on their own, and you’re praying the ground swallows you right now before you have to actually go through with this. At least that girl will remember you– maybe she’ll even give a speech of how you lent your shoulder to her. It’d be better than your gravestone reading ‘death by being too much of a coward.’
Gulping, you carefully lift your hand up to the door, hoping that the Captain with a fuzzy beard who watched your reaction with a tired grin was actually right in doing this and not just preparing your funeral in advance. The rap of your knuckles echoes in the quiet corridor, everyone else already rushing to get to bed and continue with their sweet dreams. Each second of silence fills you with more dread but soon enough you realise that there’s no sign of movement in the slightest. Was he on deployment? Hesitantly, your hand rests on the handle, swallowing down your fear for a split second to hear the creak as it turns.
“And what do you think you’re doing?” A scream would’ve escaped if not for the fact your hand flew off the handle and over your mouth, spinning around to face the bulk of a man standing menacingly beside you. Your phone and uniform drops from your hands, some of the smaller things they had managed to recover before the fire caused too much damage to the room, clattering to the floor as you step back in pure fear.
“Sir— I-I- A fire— my room- gone- the Captain sent me—“
You force yourself to do a firm salute before saying everything you were supposed to say yet nowhere near a comprehensible sentence as you stare with wide eyes at his terrifying stance. A black balaclava marked with white to form a skull imitation is all you can see, apart from his eyes and the tufts of blonde hair peeking out in the corner of his hood. He had clearly just come back from working out, sleeves rolled up to his elbows and dark circles in the small space you could see his eyes.
“So you’re staying in my room cause some idiot caused a bloody fire in your barracks?” His gruff voice is just as loud as before, making your shoulders jump again before you quickly nod at him. “Yes sir!” Only a scoff is what you get in response, a key in his hand that he slips through the door before entering the room. “Well pick up your things and get in then.”
You clutch the folded uniform in your hands, the small pouch of essentials and your phone both slipped into your pocket, as you enter the bland room. Infact, it may have even been too bland— there was practically no decoration whatsoever unless you counted the small calendar on the wall. “Guess they’ll grab you a mattress tomorrow.”
You nod again, even if he isn't even glancing back at you, already heading into the bathroom to freshen up. Meanwhile, you patter over to the small couch, barely your height but you’ve learned to be grateful that you’re not sleeping on the bareground with active threats around. Carefully you set the clothes on the floor by the couch, sitting awkwardly. What you didn't expect was that he’d completely ignore you for the rest of the night, following his own routine whilst you’re too terrified to even breathe in case he decides that’s wrong.
Somehow you survive the first day, and the second—the mattress and more of your belongings included this time. He had begrudgingly moved his things around to let you push your little make-do bed against the corner, and now you took up a tiny part of his room. He wasn't there most of the day, and the same would be with the nights if you had a normal schedule. However, your commanding officer happened to hate your group— rightfully so because of the others— and it sucked for you. That meant you were up late every night, sometimes so late you saw him lounging in bed with a book in his palms. Weirdly enough, you never saw him sleep, not even once, and soon he started to just drift into the background for you— like he was like a part of the furniture.
The weekend finally hit, two weeks of being in a room where you’re barely comfortable to make more than three noises an hour and finally, Ghost was sent on a deployment. The news was confirmed by some idle gossip in the lunch hall earlier, a few other soldiers stuck with the other members of his team. Safe to say, you were well over the moon about it, practically skipping back to your quarters this evening. Nope, no time to grab any drinks in town or laugh till you knock out— tonight's plans were something you’ve needed desperately for two weeks but Ghost had stripped from you.
A damn good cry.
It was hardly the most ideal coping mechanism—nor the most respected. Especially considering your ‘sad’ playlist, where you collected the most heart wrenching songs you could find, was what put you in the mood. Though you consider it a pretty good reward especially after how frustrating these past few weeks have been.
—---------
Ghost returns at 0200, the mission being cut short due to intel they found that solved the issue fairly quickly and he was shipped back to base for the night. He creaked the door open, noticing immediately your arm slumped over the side of the mattress. For a second it makes him pause, the same images of a corpse splayed just like that but he snaps himself out of it before he ends up checking your pulse like some kind of nervous wreck.
Pulling off his gear, he realises the room is much cleaner than he left, or than it usually is— by a mile. The gear he left scattered on his bed before he left has been tidied into his cupboard, not to mention the floor has been hoovered up all nicely and the occasional wrappers have been picked up. The bin has been emptied, as well as the dust from all the counters wiped down, looking much more alive than how they’d usually appear. Hell, even his bed has been made nicely. There were a few snacks lying on the small table near the door, crisps, candies—whatever. You must’ve gone to town at some point and brang back whatever you could hide in your shirt. Typical rookies.
When his eyes settle on you again, he notices you look noticeably more tired than usual but surprisingly relaxed. When he’s around, you usually fall asleep pretty stiff and stay that way for the majority of the night, though your limbs are spread like a starfish now, face smushed into the pillow you placed against the wall after accidentally banging your head a few times. He doesn't pay much mind to it—you could sleep upside down for all her cares— ready to turn in for the night when he notices a small shine on your cheeks, the moonlight reflecting off of it. He pauses, wondering if he should just leave it before deciding to just take a small peek and peering over your shoulder. Your cheeks glisten as you breathe quietly, small little droplets on the pillows and the faintest trace on your eyelashes. Then again, it’s not really his business.. Right?
—--------
That became a little too of a regular occurrence for his liking, and coincidentally he noticed it the most when he was supposed to be out– that was understandable though, a rookie of all people would not want to cry before him. Though, he’s more focused on why this is happening so often– it must be because of something, right? He’s seen soldiers cry before, sure, when they’ve witnessed too many deaths, when they douse themselves in alcohol post op or even on the benches outside base, head in their hands and their sergeant badge hidden. It’s not the most common, but it’s definitely not something he frowns upon either. But it’s been a month of non-stop late nights for him and twelve times he’s seen your cheeks wet like that– yes he had counted.
Now that he thinks about it, you did return back rather late compared to the other groups, exhausted and crawling beneath your thin blanket almost immediately. It was normal for a commanding officer to be strict and enforce punishments but every day? That was strange.
So, when his schedule finally clears up, he happens to see– definitely didn’t look on purpose– your whole group kept back well into the evening, screamed at and most of you looking very exhausted when it finally ends.
“How long is the work day for the privates meant to be?” Ghost sits in Price’s office, nursing a tea on the off chance he’s free whilst his captain flicks through some information again. He seems surprised by the sudden question, glancing over at the lieutenant before scribbling down something. “Not long— usually eight am to five pm. Maybe six latest, why?” He hums, flicking the page over only to hear the lieutenant let out a grunt in return, swallowing down another gulp of his tea.
“..Seen one team that always stays still eight. Barely get scraps in the mess if they’re lucky.”
Price leans back on his chair, not expecting that and especially not the information from Ghost himself. Well, he does have a keen eye for a lot of things but something tells me it’s not that. “So, if i look into it, I s’pose i’ll find your roomie there, hm?”
Ghost scoffs, pulling his mask back down defensively as he places his empty mug on the table, looking at him with a glare so narrowed the Captain knows well it’s nowhere near serious. “Information always stems from somewhere.”
“Alright, alright. Don't go interfering now, i’ll handle it.”
———————-
So, the Captain solved the problem and the latest you finished now was six on a bad day, though that didn't stop you from coming back to his room extremely late. You don't look as exhausted though, so that’s a win in his books but he’s curious to see where you’re going instead.
And maybe he followed you once, or twice.
The first time you went to the mess and talked with your friends all evening, going to lounge around with the few of them who never had to share a room with the officers. But the second was a Friday, and you had ditched your friends’ plans, walking round the base till you found a nice secluded bench in the darkness. He’s confused for a moment, wondering why you’d just sit there but he can't get a good angle from where he stands near the wall. Surely you didnt just go out for fresh air every night until it was late?
Then he hears it, the soft sniffle and the leaking music from your headphones— he has no idea what band that even is but damn does it sound depressing. With a sigh he steps back into base, what the hell are you doing to him?
———————————————
You near towards your room with a yawn, having spent way too long in the bathroom trying to rid the red puffiness from your cheeks. That was the issue with having your sessions elsewhere, it was such a hassle having to hide your face. Though, it’s not like you cared much about hiding it from Ghost, it’d been almost a whole month now and it was very safe to say he didnt give a damn about you in the absolute slightest.
The door opens with a soft creak, your feet already taking you towards your mattress as you rub sleepily at your eyes. Until you see a pair of black boots where you usually kick off yours.
Confused, you raise your head until you come face to face with the Lieutenant.. who’s sat on your mattress and staring at you in a way that’s almost like those monsters in the stories. Does he even blink? You can't help but just stand and stare at him, utterly confused and mentally wracking your head for answers as to why he’s staring at you like you’re the one who's acting off script. He started it, not you!
And of course, stupid as you are, you blurt out the first thing that comes to mind.
“Why are you sitting there like you found porno mags under my bed?”
Silence rings loud between you two, but your head is like a rave with how loud you're screaming at yourself for blurting out something that stupid in front of your superior of all people.
“Should I be checking for that?”
“No- no!” You quickly shake your head, before realising what that implies and waving your hands frantically in front of you as you struggle to get your point across. “I- i have no porno mags! Nothing! You can check! It was a joke!”
He looks at you a second longer before rolling his eyes up at you, making you freeze again in horror; the hole you’ve dug yourself was definitely 6 feet now, maybe it’s time to bury yourself.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” He mutters, arms crossing over his chest but his eyes dont narrow into a glare, nor do they hold his usual stern gaze, instead a mix of curiosity and.. exasperation.
Confused, you teeter on your feet, shifting your weight back and forth. “So.. is this about me as a soldier..? Me as a person..? Wait— did i forget to flush the toilet or something?!” Your face burns red and he almost wants to facepalm right then and there, but he doesnt, scoffing lowly.
“No—every night you got bloody tears on your cheeks. What is wrong with you?”
He insists, being as straightforward as he can—probably to stop you from being so dense and finally answer the damn question. Alas, instead you stand completely block solid in front of him, cheeks growing warmer at the second as you process what he had just said. He knew about the tears. How long? Surely only recently.. right? What if it was longer? What if he had cameras in the room? What if—
“If you don't answer it, I'll write an official report to get a shrink for you.” He says, voice slightly stern this time, and thankfully snaps you back to life because you immediately stumble out “No!”
He raises a brow at your adamancy, and you sigh, fingers tugging at the hem of your worn shirt as you face him, the terrifying lieutenant that’s currently interrogating you about your constant tears. He might as well parade your grave around while he’s at it.
“It’s just umm.. like..”
“Like?”
“Its just like stress relief yknow..” You mumble, shifting your weight from foot to foot as you try and word it in a way that doesn't make you seem like more of the idiot he already thinks you to be. “Like when people hit things when they’re angry, I cry every now and then ‘cause it makes my chest feel less heavy.”
He was half expecting you to blurt out a long lifestory, maybe about how your parents didn’t agree with your military job, or you’d seen too many injuries on the past mission. Hell, he was waiting for you to just complain about how your arms hurt too much or some superior was yelling at you. So now he feels like a fool, all those conflicting feelings stored up in his chest that he figured was just down to morality, was all for nothing.
“So.. there’s nothing wrong.. at all?” Your eyes widen as he stands up, even if you were the tallest person alive, his stance was enough to still you. The way he looks at you is almost skeptical, which is ironic because he knows shouldn’t even be caring in the first place and yet here he is, interrogating you.
“I mean.. no?” Then you blurt out the second stupidest thing you’ve said all day. “Were you worried about me?”
The scoff that follows is almost immediate as he turns away, heading over to his closet to pull out his sleepwear, which mainly only ever consists of a t-shirt and joggers anyway. “Dont get ahead of yourself-“
”Then why’d you ask?”
He grumbles in response, ignoring your question and starts switching off the mainlights, which is odd considering he tends to read before bed anyway. “You were acting weird. Besides you kept cleaning my side of the room.”
Oh. You had done that. As much fun as it was to cry whenever you got exhausted, you sometimes tended to blast some music in your ears and have a spring cleaning session— every damn week that is. Back when your old roomies were out for the night, you could belt out any song you wanted dramatically whilst cleaning up the mess that became your room during the week. Oops.
”Just a habit whenever i have nothing to do.. yknow, clean up the mess.”
”Is your other habit listening to depressing music?”
“You know about that too?!!” He’s purposefully teasing you know, and it’s blatantly obvious in how he chuckles after your retort, tugging his socks off and into the small laundry basket for later.
”You’re hardly secretive. Just cry whenever you want, but dont go letting anyone see.” He says gruffly, and you pause, wondering why he said that. Did he think of you as embarrassing, or even shameful?
“Because it’s stupid?”
He turns to you properly and gives you a sharp glare, not before rolling his eyes at your remark. “No, because i dont want bullying allegations on my head. Don’t got time to be reprimanded for scaring off another rookie.”
He turns towards the bathroom, knowing damn well that glare has you frozen like a deer, before stopping in the door frame. “Oh and if you find a bloody thumb in one of my pockets, just throw it out. I bloody hate using grenades.”
You blink, once, twice— processing what he has just said. “A- a bloody what?!”
—————————
COD masterlist
buy me a kofi!
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minkieater · 9 months ago
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carousel – choi san ☄. *. ⋆
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choi san x fem!reader | smut minors dni | alcohol consumption, smut is kinda kinky, toxic relationship, uhh san rocks you suck | i l had to name you, apologies, if you share a name with her then congrats! | luck & three fate’s sister | 10.7k
♫ – tear you apart, she wants revenge “it's only just a crush, it'll go away, it's just like all the others it'll go away or maybe this is danger and he just don't know”
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cycle (sī-kel) noun a course or series of events or operations that recur regularly and usually lead back to the starting point
choi san regularly bounced between two moods. 
the first being a state of contentment, the second being complete and utter destruction. when he was content, the two of you were usually on good terms, and he felt good enough that he could keep his life on track. he could get his work done, he could go to classes, he could socialize with his peers with a smile on his face. 
when that peace was disturbed, more often than not by you, he was an absolute train wreck. all he could think about was you you you and when the two of you would fix things, if the two of you were really done this time, if he could reconcile the situation. sitting in class, remembering choreography at practice, being behind the bar at work… he couldn’t do a damn thing right. it wouldn’t be surprising if he forgot his own name when you were on bad terms. 
san has never been a fighter. when arguments arise he’s usually never the one that starts them, he’s the one begging to end them, opting for a peaceful compromise instead. despite the way he looks, san is a softie, something that took you by surprise and kept you by his side for almost a year.
you know him. you know his favorite color, his favorite show, his favorite album, his parents’ names, where he grew up, why he’s in school, who’s putting him through school, his biggest fear, his dream in life. you see how he looks at you, how he drops everything for you in a second, how he talks about you when you aren’t around to defend yourself. you know him better than you know yourself sometimes — you’ve been two peas in a pod since the beginning of your sophomore year, but yet the same question remains. one he’s asked you hundreds of times, one you could never find an answer to without breaking his heart. 
so instead you pick fights, argue to your heart’s content, damn near terrorize him on the regular just for the same fact to be true: choi san also knows everything about you. 
he knows exactly why you aren’t together, why you beat around the bush every time he asks you that same question, the sole reason why you freak the fuck out every time he asks you to give him just a little bit more. choi san knows very well that his love is unrequited, and he understands even the things you won’t tell him. he knows who you really love, he knows you’ve loved him since the summer before your freshman year, when you met at that concert. he notices when your eyes are the brightest, who you’re looking at when he wished you were looking at him, when you laugh the loudest. he notices everything.
if he’s anything, it’s observant. he’s been hanging out with you and your friends since way before he was your little secret, he’s been on your friends’ rooftop for parties more times than he can count. the first time the two of you slept together he couldn’t believe it was actually happening, the second you looked at him with lowered eyes and glossy lips he thought his eyes had been deceiving him for months prior. you looked at him like he was your last meal, your prey that you caught with your bare hands, you needed to have him or you’d die of starvation. he let you take the reins, took it all in with open arms, he wasn’t going to question a thing. for how long you had been obsessed with chan, he’d been obsessed with you. 
you’d met early in your freshman year, when chan had first gotten his apartment shared with three others, when they first started throwing their legendary parties that had been the talk of campus for ages to follow. san had gotten the invite through wooyoung, his best friend, whose close friend has dated chan’s roommate since freshman year. the moment he first saw you was nothing short of a movie scene, you were on the dance floor, definitely one too many drinks deep. you were dancing with felix, holding his hand, twirling your hair as he spun you in a circle. your smile, your eyes that were shut so delicately, your body that moved with such a fluidity, you were the embodiment of freedom. you looked like you couldn’t care less about anything, like the moon went down and the sun came up just so you could breathe another day. the world revolved around you. it was like everything he had ever done in his life leading up to this moment, each decision he made was to get him on this rooftop at this moment in the middle of soho. 
san had a few drinks himself and found himself on the dance floor right beside you. minho was with him, a close friend from his dance class, and then felix beside you. he couldn’t help but steal you for himself. he brought out the dancer inside of him but still followed your lead, spun you himself just as felix had, let your backside dance across his front one too many times for comfort. you picked up on how he was holding back, letting himself match you instead of taking the lead, and you couldn’t ignore how it sparked your interest. anyone besides felix that wasn’t in your group of close friends would be mindlessly grinding against you with an eyebrow raised and a smirk, but not him. 
for a moment you let yourself think the bar is deep in hell, then you introduced yourself (more like screamed your name at him) over the pounding music that could be heard two blocks down. the first thing you noticed were his broad shoulders before you took in the rest of his clearly strong build. complex, fox-like eyes that held too much power in them and a sweet smile that contrasted his hard demeanor, it all vexed you, but intrigued you so much more. 
out of everything, his hands give you the most whiplash. where they were long and limber they felt soft and warm, even the calluses on his palms somehow felt softer than every man you’ve ever come in contact with. compared to his chest which felt hard and strong, the contradicting features forced your mind straight in the gutter. there’s no doubt he’s beautiful, anyone could see that from first glance, but in that deep, hypnotizing voice he has, you could hear what kept itself hidden. it was a facade, that build and sexy voice, you could tell just from a few words that he’s not what he appears to be. 
at first glance you’d assume he was just like any typical guy, buff and egotistical and harsh. but looking for a moment in those eyes, listening to that soft voice, you could hear what he wasn’t saying, like his thoughts were being displayed for you on a silver platter. they enticed you to dig deeper, peel him open layer by layer, find out what no one else knows. beyond warm hands and a sturdy build, there was a softness to him that wasn’t inside of any other man on that rooftop. except one other. 
by the end of the night, minho had led san to the notorious smoking corner, where he’d come to learn the same people tend to gather and hangout towards the end of the night. thankfully, one of those people was you, and the rest of your little group of friends that he’d later come more than acquainted with. none of you really smoke, which was the weird part, the smokers would come and go around your seating area, but it was still named the smoking corner despite it. 
“you said your name was san, right?” you asked, an inviting smile on your face as he sat down right next to you on one of the cushioned chairs. it happened to be the only one open and had him thanking a god he didn’t believe in for the small favor. 
he nodded quickly, tight lipped smile on his face, dimples on display. even with the liquor he was nervous, he wasn’t one to spark up conversation, especially at a party like this. “you’re a dancer?”
“how’d you know?” your smile somehow got bigger, eyes widening with surprise, “i’ve danced my whole life.”
he shrugs, “one dancer to another.”
“you go to NYU?” you asked, turning your body to face him in your own chair.
“dance program, i’m in the same hip hop class as minho,” he pointed to minho who was standing somewhere to the side of the two of you. 
“ah,” you nod with a smile, “that makes sense, i’m in the theater program, i originally wanted to be in the dance program, though.”
“hey guys,” the two of you looked up at the same time, another pair of broad shoulders, massive biceps, and a beautiful smile staring straight at you. you could feel your heart rate pick up, your breath get caught in your throat, a heat cascading over you like the rooftop had suddenly raised fifteen degrees. 
san could feel his smile leave his face as he watched the scene unfold in front of him. the way your eyes lit up, the pink that raised to your cheeks, how you slightly stumbled over your words when you first spoke to him, he tried not to let his expression drop to a scowl. he knows you like him, maybe even love him, he couldn’t decide from the short interaction between the three of you. not that he wanted to know, anyways. 
san decided then and there that chan was his enemy, a one sided war he was willing to put up the good fight for. from a quick dance and a conversation, he had decided you were worth the fight, you were worth the long game, you were worth whatever it took to get you. he thinks it shouldn’t be too hard to win you over, with some effort and consistency, he should be the one you look at the way he desperately wants you to in no time. he knew he was good looking, he sees how women fawn over him left and right at parties, only sometimes letting them get any further then silly attempts to take him home. that ping of jealousy only jumpstarts his motivation, begs him to tap into whatever is making these women throw themselves at him.  
five parties and three months later, you made him feel like he was in the lead. small conversations here and there, longer dances that with each party turned more and more scandalous, once or twice you clearly felt him behind you on the dance floor and you didn’t pull away, you kept going until you made it so evident he couldn’t hide it in his jeans. moments of hands brushing and stolen glances across the smoking corner, he waited long enough, but he’d wait however long it took for you.
the night when you gave him that look that he knew meant you were taking him home, he couldn’t contain his excitement, he couldn’t hide anything from you already. you could see it all over his face, he could tell from the smirk you wore on your own lips and the cocky laugh you let out. you were playing with fire, and his specialty was water.
you knew he wanted you from the first time you met. whether he knew it about himself or not, despite his easygoing words and soft hands, you knew there was a side to him you desperately needed to unveil, you needed to experience, you needed to know like the back of your hand. it felt like tainting his innocence the more you got to know him, his personality reflected the opposite of what he portrayed on the outside. from that hard, chiseled look he has to the soft, tender persona, you wanted to tear him apart. you wanted to know what made him tick, what pissed him off, what got under his skin, how he acted when it did. 
you had him exactly where you wanted him, and he was letting it happen, fully aware of the attraction that was finally being returned. you looked at him differently that night, and unbeknownst to him, it was deliberate.
chan was out of sight, off with some dark haired girl he met hours prior. you watched the scene unfold in front of you, from when they exchanged names and phone numbers down to the moment when chan took her hand and led her inside his apartment. you watched them over heads through the dance floor, keeping your vision focused on the two of them like some fucked up form of tunnel vision. like what they say about trainwrecks, you should look away, but for some reason you can’t. your skin was burning, you were beyond angry, feeling an emotion that laid somewhere outside of what you’d ever experienced toward him. betrayal? abandonment? treachery?
none of your feelings were valid, chan had no idea how you felt, you never told him. he was more than allowed to take whatever dark haired bitch he wanted into his own damn apartment that seungmin’s dad pays for, that’s more than permissible. you have an apartment too, one that you and your roommate pay for yourselves, one that you could also take someone back to. your life didn’t revolve around him, his actions would not determine how your night would go, despite the feelings you have for him.
that’s when choi san caught your eye, across the crowd with his gorgeous face and incredible body. you felt the light bulb flash above your head, you knew exactly what would take the edge off, what would mend the heart chan had just broken in two. 
“you know, we always hangout here, but we never see each other outside of these parties,” you flipped your hair over your shoulder, looking up at him through your eyelashes. 
“never thought you wanted to,” he shrugs, lowered eyes watching your every move like he was waiting for the switch to flip.
“and why wouldn’t i want to? have you looked in a mirror recently?” it felt lame when it left your mouth, he didn’t seem to agree as a faint blush crept onto his cheeks. he turned away from you, a low chuckle leaving his lips.
“every morning at the gym, gotta make sure my form is right,” his shy smile turned into a faint smirk, and your own grows, hints of mischief creeping at the corners. you knew exactly what he was doing, mentioning the gym. like a moth to a flame, your eyes glazed over his biceps, which he flexed the moment your eyes left his. 
“every morning? very disciplined, aren’t you?” you ask, smile turning lopsided and nothing short of flirty. 
“very,” he nodded his head, “you should come with me sometime, get you some discipline, too.”
“and what about me makes you think i’m not disciplined?” your eyebrows furrow, tilting your head.
with that question his smile grows, dimples showing themselves once more. “brats always need discipline, and that’s exactly what you are. a little tease.”
your smile displays all of your teeth, exactly the answer you were hoping for. the side you knew he had in him, that version of him not many get to see, excitement flooded through you like a tidal wave. you were on a power trip, your plan worked with ease, you wanted to pat yourself on the back. 
“do something about it,” you sipped your drink through your tiny straw, staring at him through your lashes once again. 
within thirty minutes you were back at your place in manhattan, your roommate still at the party, you didn’t even let her know you left. in that one conversation you’d forgotten all about chan, the girl with the dark hair, and why you were in this situation in the first place. all you could think about was san, with his dark chocolate eyes and honeyed skin and arms strong enough to flip you around. you were overflowing with adrenaline, excitement, and greed. you wanted all of him, needed all of him, a need that has been lying dormant for months. you’d been curious about him, wanted to know what he kept hidden inside, too focused on chan to dig deeper into him.
san couldn’t fucking believe it. couldn’t believe he was in your bed, your walls that were covered in posters of rock bands and singers from the 80s, some faces he’s seen before and plenty of others he hasn’t. records cover one wall, soundtracks from different musicals, little trinkets filling every inch of open space on your bookshelves. your room was so undeniably you, from the smell to the color scheme, he took every inch of it and burned it to memory. he tried not to stare too much in his learning, telling himself to focus on you instead, he’d he back, this isn’t a one time thing. he couldn’t be more right. 
the moment his lips touched yours he couldn’t believe he’d gone so long without tasting you. a kiss so sweet, so rushed, so hungry, he’d never felt anything like it. he knew you'd wreck him, become too important to him, become a valued person in his life, for a moment he thought maybe he should stop – this was all too good to be true. 
when you whimpered in his mouth after a light grind to his crotch, he took all of his thoughts back. there was no stopping this, no hands could pry him off of you, he needed to see every bit of you. he needed to kiss every inch of your skin, inhale the scent of your sweat, he yearned to worship you. he wanted all of you, he needed to rein himself in, not get too excited so he could last. 
you fought for dominance on his lap, tongues in a rushed wrestle, strong thighs wrapped around his hips. as those soft hands of his squeezed the fat of your ass, you let out a yelp, grinding yourself into him. you wanted to hear any kind of noise, any harsh breath he might release. you wanted control, he didn’t want to give it up, at least not without a fight.
he scooped your waist with one arm, flipping you over, pressing you flat against the mattress. you mustered out a hushed fuck as the realization finally hit you: his biceps aren’t just for aesthetics, the sheer strength of one is enough to throw you around, and it’s strength he will use to his advantage. 
“as much as i want to be thrown around,” you broke the kiss for a moment, “save it for the next time.”
you wrapped your legs around his waist and lunged yourself forward with your hands, hips on top of his once more, your bodies sitting upright. as much as you wanted to revel in the gain of dominance, you knew he just willingly allowed you to do that, he could’ve stopped you with ease if he wanted to.
“see what i mean? brat,” he broke the kiss again with a huff, a smirk painting his own lips for a moment before returning them to yours. 
your right hand moved up to grip his throat, pushing him an inch away from you. on his lap you were taller, staring down at him, he looked up at you with a spark in his eyes you haven't seen yet. his eyebrows furrowed, not in confusion or hurt, but want. need. he liked this, he wanted this, and you couldn’t help the wicked smile that touched every feature on your face. 
“watch your mouth,” you tilted your chin up, looking down at him at a harsher angle, the act itself a display of dominance. in combination with the harsh tone to your words, he nearly quivered in your grasp. a strangled groan left his lips as your grip tightened for a moment, blocking his airway, before releasing him completely. you reached for the hem of his shirt, ripping it over his head with ease. 
“look at you, so fucking sexy,” you said as the cotton hit the floor, examining his exposed upper half in awe. chiseled abs, even sitting down, and a chest you’re sure could knock you out if it came in contact with your head. he was beautiful, perfect even, not an inch of him unsculpted. 
his breath turned heavy under your stare, eyes lowering into a different version of himself, a submission of sorts. he had no fight left in them, he gave up control, let you take it, and you were going to run with it. 
you brought your lips to his jaw, kissing down his neck, hands running over every inch of bare skin. he tugged at your top at the same time, tugging it over your head, unclasping your bra with just one hand. 
“done that before?” you asked with raised eyebrows and a playful smile, and he chuckled. 
“once or twice,” his reply was mindless as you fumbled with his belt buckle beneath you, slipping it out of the loops, throwing it to the floor. 
“hungry?” you asked and his eyes quickly met yours, confusion crossing them before realization set in. you didn’t wait for an answer as you pushed him back on the bed with your index finger to his chest, not having to muster up any force at all. 
you quickly sat up and slipped off your jeans and underwear, leaving yourself bare in front of him. he leaned up on his elbows for just a moment before you crawled back on top of him, further up his body until you sat right over his face. 
“no touching unless i tell you to,” your voice was stern, he nodded in understanding and you took that as the green light to plant yourself on his awaiting face. 
you moaned the moment his tongue came in contact with your soaked center, lapping up everything you had to offer. you stilled for a moment, letting him work himself on you, his tongue gliding through your wetness. 
“fuck, sannie, so fucking good,” you moaned out, a hand reaching down to tug at his styled black hair. he groaned in response, hands lifting off of the bed, but they didn’t touch you, didn’t even come close. 
you started riding his face and he stuck his tongue out in response to your movements, letting you have your way with him, grinding back and forth to use him for your own release. if you weren’t gone in your own pleasure you would’ve smiled at the eagerness, the willingness to please you. 
“fingers, please baby,” you gasped out, babbling your words, “need you to make me cum. you wanna make me cum, don’t you? all over your face?” 
his right hand came between your legs to slip two fingers inside of you, mouth moving up to your clit, wrapping his lips around the bundle of nerves. he curved his fingers toward himself immediately, hitting that one spot inside of you that made you see stars, you started babbling and whining praise like you’d been doing this together for years. 
“so fucking good sannie, fuck,” you cried out, grinding yourself against him, the knot in your stomach tightening with every harsh suck to your clit. he brought his other hand up to smack your ass and you moaned out, the dam bursting, your release coating his fingers, past his knuckles. you rode out your high, his fingers and mouth working in tandem to get you through it before overstimulation set in. 
“mm, taste so fucking good baby, could eat you all night,” he announced the second you lifted yourself off of him, his voice octaves lower than earlier. you watched as he licked his lips so erotically, the action making you want to sit yourself back on his face and ride him until he couldn’t breathe. 
you sat next to him on the bed after climbing off of him instead, your orgasm took the need for control right out of you, you had your fill. you wanted to be taken care of, filled up, you didn’t want to think about anything other than your own pleasure. always observant san picked up in your change of energy, letting his own switch to another before continuing. 
“need to be inside you,” he said as he sat up, taking his jeans and boxers off in one go, “you have a condom?” 
you shimmied yourself down the bed, head hitting the pillow before you shook it, “‘m on the pill.” 
“dirty girl, where did that energy from earlier go? hm?” that dangerous smirk returned to his face, his dominance returning in just one sentence, “did i eat it all out of you? wanna be a good girl for me now?” 
he leaned himself over you, strong arms beside your head caging you in. you lifted your knees up to your elbows, spreading yourself for him.
“shut up,” you mumbled, feeling the tinge of embarrassment, “fuck me already.” 
“that wasn’t very polite, thought you were ready to behave,” he shook his head, “only girls with manners get fucked. should i put my pants back on, go back home?” 
“no! no, don’t go,” your arms came up to grab onto his, your eyes widening, “i’m sorry, i’ll be good. please, san, i need you.” 
a wicked smile crossed his face before he leaned down to plant a kiss on your own, “good, i hoped so. breathe for me, okay?”
you glanced down between your legs, realizing you hadn’t even seen him. you nearly gasped at the size of him, eyes widening, his length was perfect but the girth of him was more than intimidating. he spit into his hand, stroking himself, lubing himself up to slide into you easier. you nearly drooled at the sight, mouth agape, pussy clenching around nothing.
the whole act felt so sinful, so carnal, you so easily opened up to him with a side of yourself you don’t show until you’re fully comfortable. you blame your adrenaline, your hormones, how horny you were when you arrived, ignoring the real fact of how comfortable he made you feel to show so much of yourself to him. 
as he lined himself up you couldn’t ignore how it all felt right, you’ve had undeniable attraction to him for months now, but this… this was something entirely different. this was a beginning, the prologue chapter of a novel, the first episode to seasons spent with him. when he pushed himself into you and you had to physically remind yourself to breathe, you had to acknowledge that he fit so perfectly with you, his body felt like it was meant to be above yours. these weren’t feelings of a quick fuck, feelings from a one night stand, this was raw, intimate, unique. special. 
“so fucking big,” you huffed out, voice strained, eyes squeezed shut, fingers clawing at his biceps. 
“breathe, baby, you got it,” he praised you, encouraged you, and it did what it needed to. you breathed in and out, let him sheathe himself inside of you. as he bottomed out he groaned, a beautiful noise, one that could lure you to sleep if you heard it enough. he stayed there for a moment, letting you get used to the stretch, letting you relax around him. 
“so fuckin’ tight, baby, breathe,” he instructed, leaning down on his elbows to kiss you, distract you, take your mind off of the stretch. you tried your best to relax your muscles, unclench yourself from around him. 
“there you go,” his praises were a sweet song, easing you out of discomfort, “tell me when i can move.” 
you waited a few moments, returning your lips to his before grinding yourself against him. you felt your slick coating him, helping you glide up and down, and he let you for a moment — just a moment before he knew for sure you were comfortable. 
he pulled all the way out before bottoming out once more, and you yelped into his mouth, breaking the kiss to let your head lean back into the pillow.
“there it is, there we fucking go,” he mumbled as he started on a rhythm, “good fucking girl.” 
a string of moans left your lips, your hands still clawing at his biceps, body reacting to him without your brain allowing it. “so fucking good sannie.”
“thought you were so fucking badass earlier, huh? ordering me around like i’m your bitch?” that smirk returned to his lips again and all you could do was moan, staring at him through half lidded eyes, “look at you now, baby. all lifeless and limp, all for this dick?” 
“yes, san, all for you. just for you,” you mumble, words jumbling together, not knowing if your words even sounded clear. 
“yeah, baby, just as i thought, all for me,” he pistols himself into you, grabbing your hips, making you meet his thrusts. you were losing your strength, letting him have his way with you, just an incoherent mess beneath him. 
he reaches forward and grabs your jaw, “don’t go anywhere, eyes on me.”
you look up to him, eyes wide, that fuzzy space you were slipping into locked away for now, “you can go there eventually, not yet, not this time.” 
your eyes started to roll back as he shifted his hips upward, the mushroom tip of him rolling against that one spot so deliciously. with how quickly that knot formed once more in your stomach, you were surprised that drool wasn’t slipping down your chin. 
“right there, please don’t stop, gonna make me cum,” you can’t even hear yourself, so drunk on his dick, his assertiveness, you loved it. you’d never had your energy matched like this, never had a fuck like this, never had someone know you so quickly and easily. 
“hold it,” he ordered, and your eyes nearly bulged out of your head. how could he expect you to hold it, when he was hitting that spot too perfectly, doing everything in his power to get you there?
“i swear, do not fucking cum,” he smacked your hip and tears formed in your eyes trying to hold it, fighting every nerve in your body to not release around him. 
“i can’t! i can’t,” you babble, tears falling down your cheeks, and he released a long fuck, his voice dropping even lower. 
“cum for me, want you to cum around me, please,” his orders turned to begs quickly after he saw your tears. he leaned forward to wipe them off your face, bringing his fingers up to his lips. the string snapped and you gushed around him, legs shaking, a loud cry leaving your lips, probably heard in queens from the sheer volume of it. 
“where do you want me?” he quickly asked, his own words sounding shaky, slurring together. 
“inside, inside,” you begged, reaching up to cup his cheeks. he leaned down to kiss you as he released himself inside you, filling you up, thrusts slowing as he worked himself through it. 
he stayed there for a moment, forehead pressed against yours, heavy breaths being poured into each other’s mouths. he sighed as his forearms began to shake, finally pulling out of you, laying next to you.
“you okay?” he turned his head at the same time as you turned yours, eyes sharing too much of something yet saying nothing of it.
“‘m great, you?” you cracked a smile, the both of you still somewhere that wasn’t here, slowly coming back from two completely different headspaces. he nodded, returning the smile, and the two of you laid there for what felt like ages. 
sleeping with san was something outside of anything you’ve ever done. you’d slept with plenty of people, had plenty of experiences, explored what you liked and didn’t through many trials and errors. to have such an incredible first experience with someone, to have it flow so easily, to match each other so perfectly… it was almost unbelievable, it set unrealistic expectations for anyone you’d ever sleep with again. 
you needed him that night, needed that experience, needed whatever was going to distract you from whatever the hell chan was doing – and it worked. you needed that distraction for months to follow as chan continued to see the dark haired girl, who’s name you came to find out was eden, always hanging around on the rooftop, following him wherever he went. like a roach, never wanted, yet never went away. 
months you spent cooped up in your room, anger flowing through your blood as you watched his instagram stories, cute pictures of her posted every day. posed pictures together in times square, clubs on the weekends, clips of them getting drinks together on a random weekday afternoon. you couldn’t help but pick everything apart – what they were doing was touristy, corny, nothing you would do with him, nothing you would enjoy. you knew chan didn’t enjoy any of that, either. 
every time you pictured dates with him or fantasized about any time spent with him alone was always private, intimate, enriching – you’d be painting together, drinking wine in your living room as you played your favorite board game, watching a tv show from start to finish together. you were in the same major, maybe even studying together, bouncing ideas off of one another for assignments or projects, but nothing so flashy. chan hates time square, hates drinking in the middle of the day, and especially hates clubs unless there was a special occasion. you knew all of these things, you knew him, you felt the same way as him. yet he was still doing all of those things with her, playing in her garden, wasting his time when he should be focused on school, his career, his future, you.
in those months there was only one thing that could make you forget about chan, forget about eden, forget about the situation altogether. during class you were frustrated, in auditions, rehearsals, you couldn’t even study without the tv on and music playing simultaneously. if you had a singular moment of silence your brain took you back to him, took you back to what you could’ve had, what you never tried for in the first place. it was debilitating not being able to get anything done, being so one track minded, the only thing that could make you focus was san. you’d text him daily, always asking him to come over, always ending the night between his thighs. 
he always came, he always said yes, he never once said no to you. he didn’t ask any questions, didn’t make you explain your frustrations, only listened when you did speak about trivial things like school or rehearsal. you didn’t want his opinion, didn’t want his advice, only his company and the pleasure he never had any difficulty in giving you. it was perfect for those months, in your own world, the sanctuary you created in your bedroom with choi san. 
the moment when your relationship changed, you didn’t notice. there was no light bulb, no moment where you consciously started looking at him differently, yet it changed without your knowing or consent. you didn’t acknowledge it when you did notice, you didn’t want to, your heart was saved for another. yet you still talked about everything together, did all of those little things you dreamed of doing with chan. your fears, your dreams, your childhood, your favorite things, you began to know him so intimately without being aware of it. you watched grey’s anatomy with him, you played video games, you drew funky little doodles of each other on your notebooks. 
you started to crave him when he wasn’t around, and not just because he was your distraction, but a friend. he was good for you, he encouraged you to be consistent with school, you practiced lines with him, sang duets from different musicals with him. your relationship was raw, it was truth, it was naked, it was everything you wished for, it was everything you needed at that time. 
san fell for you. he fell so fucking hard, so headfirst, it was a bottomless pit with no end in sight and he couldn’t stop himself from digging further. everything he saw in you that first night was still there, only amplified into something he couldn’t hide anymore. he was at your beck and call, anything you needed, any time of day. he knew why you were so attached to him, he figured it out the second he went to the rooftop with wooyoung again, high off of his night spent with you, ready to see you again. when you were nowhere to be seen and he caught chan with his arm around the girl from his contemporary class, he put the pieces together quick. he knew you must be heartbroken, knew you needed support, a friend who knew nothing about the situation. it quickly made him realize his place in your relationship. 
he fought through the horrific realization with optimism, the returning thought that with time you’d see, you’d realize he was better for you than chan could ever be. as he spent more time with you and got to know you better, it only made his feelings deepen. your laugh, your thoughts, your competitive side, the way you’re so quick to fight back and assert your dominance, but give it up even faster… it was like an addiction, it wasn’t good for him, he knew it wasn’t, he knew it when his grades first started to slip. when he wasn’t on point at practice, too sleep deprived to remember choreography. minho read it all over him, knew something was wrong, knew san had gotten into something he shouldn’t have. 
“what’s up with you, man? this isn’t like you,” it was a rough practice that day. san was sat on the floor with his knees hugged tight to his chest, rubbing his eyes to force the exhaustion out of them. 
“just an off day,” is all san mumbled before he stood up slowly, grabbing his bag to sling over his shoulder.
“off day? you’ve been fucking up for the past week, san, you’re center,” minho put his hand on san’s shoulder, stopping him before he walked away, “they’re gonna put someone else there if you don’t get your shit together.”
“i get it, minho,” san turned his back, and minho’s grip only got tighter.
“what the hell is going on?” he asked, turning san to face him, “you can talk to me, we’re friends, you know.”
san’s hand returned to his face, trying to rub off his discomfort, this feeling that he should keep everything to himself, “it’s a lot.”
“is it a girl?” minho was quick with the question, eyes lowered, seeming to read san before he could get any words out. he started to walk, keeping his hand on san’s shoulder, encouraging him to walk alongside him. 
san answered with a coy nod, the answer seeming too taboo to say out loud. minho was a direct link to chan, he should be happy to talk about the fact that you were sleeping together. what he couldn’t shake off was the fear that you’d be angry at him for telling anyone. 
“did you get her pregnant or something?” humor was laced in minho’s tone, trying to ease up the straightforwardness of the question, but he was genuinely worried by how san had been acting.
san gasped, “preg- no! god, no,” he shook his head, “i hope not.”
minho laughed, “that doesn’t sound convincing. if she’s not pregnant then there’s no reason to be so torn up, why are you?”
they walked out of the building into the wet humidity of the city air, “like i said, it’s a lot. it’s my fault, though.”
“quit beating around the bush and tell me,” minho stood still, staring at san expectantly, “you can trust me.”
“if i’m going to tell you, i need a beer.”
an hour later they were seated at prince, not a popular dive bar in the city, but popular amongst your group of friends and whoever they introduced to it. san nursed his beer, barely getting two sips in before he was spilling everything about the last six months to one of his best friends. 
“i can’t wrap my head around why you keep fucking her if she loves another guy,” minho shrugs, “especially chan, at that. she’s been close with him since he moved to the city.”
“it’s not about fucking her,” san sighed, “i’m in too deep, i think i love her. even if i didn’t, and it was just about sex, it’s too good to stop.”
minho’s jaw physically drops, mouth hanging agape for a moment before he snaps it shut, straightening his left hand to start counting on his fingers, “so you love her, she doesn't know you love her, she loves someone else who’s in a relationship, and you spend every free moment with her. and you have so much sex you don’t sleep.”
san’s lips pull into a tight line, giving minho one long nod in response.
“there’s no way she doesn’t love you back if you’ve spent that much time together in six months, i can’t believe you kept all of this shit hidden for so long. you need to talk shit out, man.”
it was music to his ears, san’s entire body filled with a joy he’d never felt before when no way she doesn’t love you back left minho’s lips. he felt like he was putting a puzzle together in his brain, that actually made perfect sense, how could you not return anything he felt for you? you also experienced all your time together, got just as close to him as he did you. 
he barely gave minho another half hour before he was barreling out of prince and on his way to your apartment. 
“hey baby, how was practi-”
“i need to ask you a question.”
your head whipped to your front door, never hearing san sound so desperate outside of the bedroom. his eyes were blown, his eyebrows raised, fully out of breath from running up the flights of steps to your apartment. your blood ran cold, you knew this question was coming eventually, you were savoring every moment he didn't ask it. you stood slowly, facing him from the couch, eyes expectant.
“i’ll give you an answer,” you replied casually, keeping your voice steady. 
“do you want to be with me?” his words felt empty, as if he wasn’t sure if he wanted to say them, yet he still sounded like he’d been dying to ask the question for months. he didn’t blink, kept his shoulders back, dance bag dangling from his fingertips.
“san,” you said calmly, taking a step towards him. 
“i don’t want to freak you out, please don’t freak out, it’s just been six months and i really enjoy you and your company and i love being around you, i love spending nights with you, the sex is incredible, everything just seems right,” a smile graces his lips with a pause. when you stared back at him in disbelief he panicked, his heart in his throat, “i’m sorry if i freaked you out, this is too much, isn’t it?” 
you took a breath, closing your eyes for a moment. the day you’d been dreading had come – the end of a perfect half year. 
“i can’t be in a relationship right now,” you blurt the first thing that came to mind, and his face dropped immediately. “i enjoy you, i love our time spent together, i love that you’re around all the time, you’ve been a huge help to me these past six months. i couldn’t of done it without you.”
you’ve been told these words before, you’ve been in his position before, you’re spouting the same venom that’s been thrown at you. you felt  as if you were shoved in a corner, not fully believing your own words, but you needed an excuse more than you wanted to say the truth. 
a sad smile crosses his face, “i get it.”
“i don’t want to stop whatever this is,” you walk closer to him, grabbing his hand, “and it could grow into something really great. i’m just not in a position to open my heart to anyone right now.” 
“i know, baby. the last six months have been rough on you,” his heart melted, even if he knew the reason why, he also knew that it really did hurt you. you needed time to heal, time to focus on yourself, time to get back into the dating scene. he’d be there, first in line when you were ready. 
“i knew you’d understand, thank you,” you stood on your toes, attaching your lips to his. ten minutes later you were on your knees, right back to normal like that conversation didn’t even happen. 
in just two weeks you’d started going out more regularly again, meeting your friends at prince, going to chan’s rooftop whenever felix told you to come. your friends that noticed, despite you keeping your appearances up, asked where you’d been, why you’re back, and you gave them the sophomore year bullshit of classes were hard and summer is here again! at your age, parties were a dime a dozen, you had plenty of excuses to be out of the house and away from your issues, stopping reality from hitting you that you were playing with fire once again.
you did have feelings for san, even if it was your own fucked up version. there was no way you couldn’t with how much time you spent together, how much you know about him, how much you care for him. but the other problem that you will never forget is still there, staring at you from across his own rooftop. 
you care for san, but the love you feel for bang christopher chan is so much fucking more.
“hey! i feel like i haven’t seen you in ages!” his smile is huge as he crosses the crowd, clinking his drink with your own. you blushed, that was basically him saying i missed you. 
“same here, how’s everything been? happy classes are over?” you asked, gripping your drink a little tighter. 
“incredibly happy classes are over, even happier this terrible fucking year is over,” he chuckled, “me and eden broke up, i don’t know if you heard. she cheated on me with some columbia architect, whatever.”
broke up? he’s… single again?
your jaw dropped, and you fought to keep the excitement to a minimum, “no, i didn’t know, i’m so sorry, channie. fuck her and that architect!”
he laughed again, a belly laugh that made you want to jump his bones, “what about you, though? seeing anyone?”
his question took you by surprise, “i- uh, no, i’m not,” your giggle was nervous, wanting to change the subject immediately. san crossed your mind, a thought you quickly shut down.
“you’re never seeing anyone, dude, we have to set you up with somebody, can’t go through your whole college experience without a shitty boyfriend or two,” it was a joke, a bad one, but it still made heat rise to your whole upper half. why was he asking? he’s never asked about your love life before. 
“i’m good off a shitty boyfriend, i’d rather be alone if that’s the case,” you shake your head, then sip through your tiny straw. 
“suit yourself,” he palmed your shoulder with a hand that completely enveloped it, and you felt the skin underneath burn. 
you felt eyes boring into your head from behind you, and you quickly turned, scanning the area. you saw your roommate and her boyfriend in the smoking corner, minho and han, then san, who was leaning against the concrete of the wall separating the rooftop from the drop to the ground below. like a hawk, he watched you through lowered eyes, taking in every move. you quickly turned back around, expecting chan to still be there, but he was gone, probably off being a good host to his party. you wiped the chill off of you, finishing off your drink, dismissing the guilty feeling creeping up your spine because chan is single again. determination washes over you, this time you’d be hell bent upon telling him how you feel, finally getting your chance to be with him. it was your turn this time. 
san was beyond frustrated. watching you talk to chan after all of these months, even from afar, picking up your body language, he was sick to his stomach. the way you shifted from foot to foot, unconsciously leaned into his touch, flipped your hair behind your back to show off your décolletage, san could pick up on exactly what you were thinking and he hated it. 
san wasn’t in the lead, he was forever the number two, your favorite best kept hidden secret. he was sick of it, sick of being with you behind closed doors, sick of dropping everything for you, sick of being under your spell. he knew his place, knew it enough to where he didn’t even approach you on the rooftop. he knew there would be a call, a text, a fucking messenger pigeon that would get him in your bed tonight, he was sure of it. when chan went back inside the apartment for the night and didn’t have a soul beside him, he knew exactly how the outcome of the night would go, and he was excited for it. 
as san slammed your apartment door shut behind him, you jumped nearly a foot in the air, turning to furrow your eyebrows. the two of you ended up leaving together, an outcome that wasn’t on his list of possibilities – no messenger pigeon needed. he was surprised, he didn’t think you’d even want to be seen getting in the same car as him. 
“what was that for?” the slam startled you, it was unlike him, he was delicate with everything he did.
“i’m sick of this, ri,” he shook his head, standing by the entrance to your kitchen, not following you into the living room. your stomach dropped, you should’ve seen this coming.
“what do you mean?” you opted for obliviousness after a pause, unsure of how to go about this conversation again after your last one was just two weeks ago. 
“i’m sick of being your secret, whatever the hell i am to you,” he ran a hand through his hair, “actually, that’s a good question. what am i to you, riley?”
you gulped, your eyes widening, coming to yet another moment of silence. you didn’t know how to answer, didn’t know how to tell him what you didn’t know yourself. 
“you don’t know? or you know and can’t say it?” he understands your silence, using his hands as he speaks, “tell me the truth.”
“i don’t know, san, a friend?” your voice is unsure, small. you wanted to shrink yourself, wanted to be anywhere but here, having this conversation. this is the first time you’ve seen this side of him, you and san had never argued before, the last time you had this talk it didn’t have any anger or frustration. 
“a friend? i’m a friend?” he laughs, a sarcastic chuckle that you’ve never heard leave his lips. you must’ve gotten away with it two weeks ago, this was really the end, there was only one way this talk could go. “a friend that knows every inch of you, a friend that’s spent more time here the past six months than the apartment they still pay rent at? that’s a fucking joke, riley.”
tears gathered in your eyes, ones that you weren’t exactly sure why they were there, you felt caught. bombarded with a choice you didn’t want to make. he was finally understanding your web of lies, finally over it, over you. you weren’t ready to let him go, you wanted to continue to live in your bubble with him, you wanted him to stay. you didn’t let them fall.
“what do you want me to say?” you don’t have a rebuttal, you don’t have any sly words that could change the topic, even momentarily change what he’s feeling. you chose anger, deflection.
“i want more, ri. i want you, i’ve wanted you since i met you. there’s no way you don’t know that,” he sighs, turning around, running that same hand through his hair. 
“and i can’t give you more, san, so what do you want me to do? force myself into something i’m not ready for? i’ve told you my piece,” you walk towards him, standing just a few steps from him.
“no, riley, i don’t want you to force yourself into being with me, that’s ridiculous. when we’re in public you barely look at me, let alone speak to me. what are you so afraid of? why can’t anyone know about… this?” he turned around, his own eyes glossy, looking down at you through damp eyelashes. your blood ran cold, colder than it had been from the moment he slammed the door, that familiar guilty feeling sitting in the pit of your stomach. 
“why do you need people to know? why do you need our relationship to be publicized? is being with me, here like this, not enough for you?” the laugh you let out was dry, calculated, “if it’s not enough then maybe we shouldn’t see each other anymore.” 
a small gasp left his lips, barely audible it could’ve been just an intake of air, his visage twisted the moment you spoke those words. with his lips and eyebrows turned downward, that slight anger, frustration, morphed into a sadness you never wanted to see again. 
“that’s not what i want,” his voice is smaller than you’ve ever heard it, a shy mumble, his gaze pointed downward at his fingers which played with his rings. “i don’t want to fight with you.” 
“i know, baby,” you stepped forward, placing a hand on his soft, reddened cheek, “i don’t want to fight with you, either. want you to be happy.” 
“i’m happy with you,” his voice cracked, a raw tone, as he glanced back up at you. his eyes red, glossed over, full of emotion, it broke your heart. you could never truly make him happy, you knew that, but you could momentarily.
“then let me take care of you,” and that you did, like you always did, the same way you did two weeks ago. you rode him to oblivion, until he forgot why he was upset in the first place, the same thing he did for you six months ago. 
a week later, you’d fought again. plenty of times.
almost every day for the whole week you started an argument over something so fucking stupid and you couldn’t stop. everything he did pissed you off, every time he tried to fix it, it pissed you off even more. you were overflowing with so many different emotions you couldn’t breathe, you needed space, you needed him, you needed chan. you were too overstimulated to think clearly, if you were ever thinking clearly to begin with.
the guilt from not returning his feelings, but not being at ease when he isn’t sleeping in your bed.. it didn’t make any sense. you felt insane, suffocated in the overwhelming feelings you couldn’t bring yourself to return. you liked san, you liked everything about him, but the fervent feelings he had towards you mirrored what you felt for chan. 
there was now nothing left unsaid. there was no unspoken deal between you anymore, no weapon left to use to let yourself get off without consequence. you were uncomfortable, uncomfortable with his feelings, uncomfortable with your own, you felt shoved in a corner you couldn’t walk away from. 
the only things that stayed consistent in that week were chan’s rooftop, chan’s living room, and his incessant need to talk to you every damn time you were there.  
san felt like he was losing his goddamn mind. 
he wished he could go back in time and take back everything he said, his confession, his feelings, he had ruined everything. you would go from not answering him to getting pissed off that he answered your text with ok instead of okay… it seemed like he couldn’t do anything right, in a constant state of fear that today would be the day you break it off with him for real. 
his day to day life was only getting worse. he was making cocktails wrong at work, not replacing ice, handing the wrong beer to patrons at the bar. he got replaced again in his spot for his dance class, reprimanded by his teacher, minho gave him not one but two additional talks about getting his shit together. 
he hadn’t seen you since the night you argued two weeks ago, he hasn’t even been going out for just a glimpse of you, he’s been playing catch up for what felt like weeks. to make matters worse, he was pent up, he’d been so used to a consistent sex life, he needed release. he needed a night to let go of you, all of the whiplash he’d endured for weeks now, he needed a night to just be himself. to forget.
he called wooyoung, his best friend who was always out in the city, always had plans. thankfully he was going to a club that night to celebrate your roommate’s recent internship acceptance. wooyoung assured him that you wouldn’t be there, it would only be a couple of your roommates' close friends. he didn’t ask why you wouldn’t be there, he tried to convince himself he didn’t care, he needed to start forgetting now.
he hopped out of bed and got ready fast, the clock already past eight, and headed over to meet the group before going to the club. they were all familiar faces from the rooftop, despite him only knowing wooyoung super intimately. all of the nights he spent at your apartment your roommate was usually at her boyfriend’s, and if she wasn’t, her and her boyfriend were cooped up in her bedroom.
but here he was, in a club he’s never heard of in the middle of manhattan celebrating her.
“have a drink, sannie, do something,” wooyoung slung his arm around san’s shoulder, bent behind the booth he was sitting at, “don’t just sit there and mope.”
san nodded, not having much to say if it didn’t have to do with you. he sipped his beer mindlessly, listening to everyone talking around him, their conversation had to be more entertaining then the jail he created for himself in his own mind. 
“...i’ve been trying to get them together for years! i’m so happy it’s finally happening!” your roommate says loud, drunkenly, talking to yunho’s girlfriend. 
“years?” yunho’s girlfriend asked, brushing her hair behind her ear, “why the hell did it take so long?”
“when they met they were all just good friends, then i was introduced and started dating jeongin pretty much immediately, i’m the one who noticed how she felt about him. she wouldn’t admit it for ages, until i finally got it out of her, and pretty much immediately after that chan started dating eden, you remember her, right?” san’s ears perked up at that, his stomach dropping immediately. he put the pieces together quicker than ki could run her mouth. the drinks from the pregame clearly made her filter pretty much nonexistent, this is a conversation he wasn’t supposed to be listening to, something he wasn’t supposed to hear. she didn’t notice the extra ear, but her boyfriend did.
“ki,” jeongin interrupted, eyes glancing back and forth between san and his girlfriend, talking over yunho’s girlfriend.
ki ignored him, too deep in her own conversation, “yes! like two weeks ago or something it finally clicked, they’ve been seeing each other since.” 
“who?” san interrupted, panic in his voice. 
he knew who, from the bottom of his heart. a little over two weeks ago was when san started the fight between the two of you, ever since then you’d been off. he hasn’t seen you. he knows damn well who.
ki’s eyes were wide, her jaw agape, and jeongin’s hand went to his forehead. 
“san, i-”
“who are you talking about, ki?” san sat a little straighter, his chin jutting out, “who’s been seeing chan for the past two weeks?”
“i think you already know who, san, i didn’t realize you didn’t know?” ki’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion, her hand holding her drink a little bit tighter. yunho’s girlfriend looked between san and ki, also confused, too nervous to ask any questions. the tension was thick in the air, too heavy for a night of celebration. san could feel the control he had over himself lessening by the second. 
san laughs, a dark chuckle, and something inside of him shifts. he’s done, he’s so fucking done. he feels stupid, it’s always been chan from the start, it’s always going to be chan. he tried telling himself months ago that you would see he was better for you than chan ever could be, but he was clearly so fucking wrong. chan would always be your endgame, it would never be him, no matter what he did for you. no matter how much he tried for you. no matter how much he begged for you.
everything he’s been feeling for the past two weeks, the confusing feelings, the constant begging just to see you, the amount of apologies he’d given to someone who didn’t fucking deserve them. how many times had you texted him when you were next to chan? how many times had you ignored him because you were next to chan?
san doesn’t get angry, san isn’t a fighter. san’s always been a peacekeeper, a problem solver, water to put out the fire. 
he is so fucking over it.
he thought about his grades, how long it’d taken him to bring them back up. his rehearsals, his performances, the center positions that had been taken away from him. how many bottles of beer he’d thrown away at work from constant fuck ups. how many times he’s gotten grilled from more people than he can count on his hands. 
he ignored ki, instead he looked into the crowd, suddenly remembering exactly where he was. he reached forward and grabbed one of the bottles yunho bought and took a long swig from it. he looked out in the crowd again and spotted a pretty little blonde thing almost immediately, and took a moment to reflect.
he remembered his life before you, before chan, before that fucking rooftop. how women fawned over him, flocked to him, how obsessed they were. how he didn’t have to try for anything or anyone. he passed the bottle to wooyoung behind him who was so taken aback he hadn’t said a word. 
“san, we can leave, we can go, it’s okay,” wooyoung said, bent over once more, taking the bottle from san’s hand, “we don’t have to stay here, let’s go.”
“if you’re not going to drink that then give it back,” his reply is so curt it sliced through the air like the knife ki just put through his chest, “we are not leaving.”
wooyoung took a swig of the bottle, a proud smirk growing on his face, “finally, man. let’s be done with it already.”
2:27 am ri: u up? ri: i miss you
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antonsbf · 3 months ago
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Unspoken
chapter 1 - before goodbye
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⤷ summary: a slow-burn, emotional story about childhood friends torn apart by time and dreams—only to meet again years later as rising stars in the spotlight. Between secrets, past feelings, and second chances, they learn that some things never really fade.
⤷ pairing: ni-ki x male reader
⤷ wc: 1.7k
⤷ warnings: heavy angst! slow-burn! secret feelings!
⤷ read chapter 2
the sound of the creek was soft, like a whisper just for the two of you. it had always been that way, a hidden little world tucked away behind the trees, a place where words flowed easily, or sometimes not at all. where silence felt like a conversation of its own. today, though, the silence felt different. it stretched too long, heavy with things left unspoken.
the sun hung low in the sky, casting long shadows that danced across the water. you sat on the same log you’d sat on countless times before, your feet brushing the surface of the creek, the cool water gently lapping at your sneakers. you leaned back, resting your elbows on the log, letting your fingers dip into the stream as you watched the light catch in the ripples. everything felt slower, like time itself had decided to pause, just for a little while.
ni-ki was beside you, his knee occasionally bumping into yours as he tossed stones into the creek, the soft plop of each pebble sinking into the water echoed in the silence. he was staring ahead, his eyes fixed on the water, but you could tell his mind was elsewhere.
it wasn’t hard to read him. not anymore. you had spent years learning the little things, how his lips twitched when he was trying not to smile, how he always cracked his knuckles when he was nervous, how he hummed softly to himself when he was thinking. today, though, he was quieter than usual.
you could feel it, the heaviness between you both, the unspoken hanging in the air. he was leaving tomorrow. not just for a few weeks or months. he was going away for good. korea. idol training. it was everything he had ever talked about, ever dreamed about. it was what he deserved. he deserved more than anyone actually.
but you couldn’t shake the feeling that something was slipping through your fingers, something you hadn’t been able to hold on to, no matter how hard you tried
"are you sure you’re okay with this?" you asked, your voice softer than usual, like you were afraid of disturbing the silence between you.
ni-ki glanced at you, his gaze lingering a little longer than necessary. “of course. it’s what i’ve always wanted…” he paused, just for a second, before adding, “right?”
you simply nodded, he was correct he indeed wanted this. but something about his respond stung you, not his tone, nor the words being spoken. maybe the reality, the unspoken, that made the aching in your chest unease to bear. “i just… i don’t know,” you said, trailing off.
he tilted his head slightly, looking at you with those eyes that always seemed to see through to the heart of things. “what? you’re being weird today.”
you sighed, looking away. “i guess i just never thought it would actually happen.”
ni-ki looked down, rubbing the back of his neck. “yeah… me neither, sometimes.”
the silence stretched on again, but this time, it wasn’t uncomfortable. it was the kind of silence that made everything feel like it was frozen in time. you felt like you could stay here forever, just listening to the creek and pretending that nothing was ever changing.
ni-ki throw another stone into the water, his gaze still focus on the ripples created "it's not like i'm going to disappear, we'll still talk. i'll be back soon enough, i promise."
you clenched your hands, your finger digging into the log beneath you. you knew he meant well, but it didn't make it any easier. it wasn’t the same as having him here. not when he was thousands of miles away, chasing something bigger than both of you.
you weren’t sure when it started, the way you felt about him. you hadn't noticed it at first, not when you were kids running around playing games, or when you were adolescents staying up at night talking about everything but nothing at all at the same time. but somewhere along the way , it had changed somewhere between sneaking out at midnight and laughing at bad movies, you’d started to look at him differently.
you remembered one night, just a few months ago, when the two of you had stayed out too late at the creek. the air was warm, the sky heavy with stars. ni-ki had laid down on the grass, head tilted toward you, eyes half-closed. you’d sat beside him in silence, and at some point, his hand had brushed yours. he didn’t move it away, but he didn’t grab it either. you’d both just… let it be. not quite touching. not quite letting go.
you’d told yourself it didn’t mean anything. but you remembered the way your heart wouldn’t calm down for hours afterward.
and now, with him leaving, you couldn't ignore it anymore. the feeling growing stronger in your chest, the one you hadn’t been brave enough to name, was finally undeniable.
“do you ever think we’re just—” you cut yourself off, shaking your head. “never mind.”
ni-ki shifted next to you, his shoulder brushing yours. “what?”
you bit your lip, trying to ignore the way your heart sped up just from the touch. “just… never mind,” you repeated, forcing a laugh. "it’s nothing."
“you’re acting weird.” his voice was light, but his eyes searched yours. “were you gonna say something important?”
you opened your mouth to answer, but the words got caught in your throat. what could you say? that you’d been in love with him for longer than you cared to admit? that the thought of him leaving made your chest ache in a way you didn’t know how to fix? that you were terrified that you’d lose him, not just to the distance, but to something else, something you hadn’t even allowed yourself to name.
instead, you muttered, "i don’t want things to change."
ni-ki’s voice somehow softened. “they don’t have to change.”
but changed had already taken its course.
the sun dipped lower, casting long shadows over the creek. fireflies started to blink in the air, their tiny lights flickering in the dusk. you could feel the day slipping away, could feel that this moment, this last summer, this last day with him, was slowly slipping away with the light of the sunset.
ni-ki nudged you again, his smile smaller this time, but still warm. “promise you won’t forget me?” he said it with a smile, but his voice caught slightly at the end, like maybe he was afraid you actually might.
you didn’t answer immediately. the lump in your throat felt too big to swallow. instead, you just nodded, even though you weren’t sure how true it was. you didn’t want to forget him, but you didn’t know what would happen when everything changed. when distance started to stretch between you both.
ni-ki stood up, brushing his hands off. "we should go. it’s getting late."
but you didn’t move right away. you stayed sitting on the log, your legs numb from the cold water, your hands still clutching the edge of the log. you didn’t want to go. didn’t want this day to end. didn’t want the summer to end. didn’t want him to leave.
"you’ll text right?" you asked, finally lifting your gaze to meet his.
"of course." his smile was soft, but you could see the hesitation behind it.
you tried to smile back, but it didn’t reach your eyes, as they had began to feel heavy.
ni-ki smiled one last time before turning to walk away, his footsteps soft on the dirt path. you watched him go, knowing it was the last time you’d see him here, at this creek, in this moment.
and when the sound of his footsteps faded, you finally let the tears fall.
the sun had finally set, the fireflies glowing lights had taken over completely of the darkness like small little blurry green stars, summer was over, this cruel and aching day with him was over. 
the next morning, the airport was already alive, rolling suitcases clattering over tile, quiet announcements echoing overhead, the smell of burnt coffee and something fried hanging in the air. you stood near the windows, hoodie pulled up, trying to stay invisible. your eyes burned a bit, still puffy from the night before, but you kept your head down. no one needed to see that.
ni-ki moved through the goodbyes like he’d practiced them. hugged his parents, your mom, gave your little brother a fist bump. smiled like everything was okay.
then he turned to you.
he hugged you last.
and when he did, it felt like the noise around you faded, like the world had paused just long enough for this one moment to stretch out. his arms around you were warm and steady, and you clung back like you were trying to memorize him, his warmth, the way his hoodie smelled like detergent and something uniquely him, the quiet strength of his grip.
you didn’t speak. you didn’t trust your voice.
it was tight, longer than usual, like neither of you were ready to let go. your heart thudded loud against your ribs as you buried your face in his shoulder for a final second. you wanted to say something, please stay, don’t go, i’m gonna miss you, but the words became stuck somewhere in your throat and never made it out.
when you finally pulled back, his hand lingered on your arm. his fingers twitched like he wanted to say something too, but all he did was look at you, really look at you, like he was trying to remember every part of your face.
“take care of yourself,” you mumbled, barely more than a breath.
“you too, y/n," he whispered.
and then he turned, slipping past the security gates. you watched him go until he disappeared behind the crowd.
you didn’t leave right away. you stood by the windows, watching the planes taxi and lift into the sky. your reflection looked small and tired in the huge glass, and your chest felt empty, like something had been carved out. the flight didn’t just carry ni-ki away, it carried all the unspoken with it too.
you didn’t cry.
not right away.
but later, when the sky turned black and the stars blinked again, you found yourself back at the creek.
you sat where you always had, but it felt different now, emptier. like even the trees were mourning.
you whispered the words, hoping maybe the night air would carry them across the ocean.
'i love you, ni-ki"
the wind stirred the leaves, like it had heard you.
but the only answer was the sound of the water and the fireflies blinking slowly, like they too knew summer was over.
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alaia777 · 5 months ago
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omg i got sooo excited when i saw this event on ur pinned post, also congrats on 200 eeeee u deserve it! >w< could i pleasee ask for "i want to marry you." with shido? like just chilling with him and then him saying it out of nowhere and we're so confused becuz there is not one serious bone in that mans body LOL, but ofc you can do a different scenario, i think anything u write will be adorbs<333
sorry for my bad english btw :3
hellooo, thank you so so much :’)))) i love your idea so much omg! i hope you like it, and also your english is perfect, don’t worry!!!
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the living room floor was a mess of pillows and blankets, the aftermath of your boyfriend’s relentless begging for you to wrestle with him. you had other ways you would’ve preferred to spend your afternoon, but you gave in—mostly because you loved him, but also because you knew he needed to burn off some energy.
he didn’t take it seriously, of course. he never did. instead of an actual match, it turned into him picking you up, tossing you onto the couch, and carrying you around the room while laughing like a maniac. you didn’t even try to fight back in the end, just letting him have his fun.
now, after all that, the two of you were sprawled across the couch and floor, tangled up in the blankets, watching some comedy you had picked out. if he had chosen, it would’ve been something violent and disturbing—probably something that would make you question his taste in movies.
you could see him from the corner of your eye, stealing glances your way every few minutes. it was only a matter of time before he came up with some ridiculous idea—he always did.
last time, he had turned to you completely serious and asked if you two could try communicating telepathically for a whole day. before that, it was if you’d be willing to fake your own deaths and run away together “just to see if we could pull it off.”
but nothing could have prepared you for what he was about to say next.
“i want to marry you.”
for a few seconds—seconds that felt like an eternity for him—all you could do was stare, your mind scrambling to process his words. you searched his face for any hint of mischief, any telltale smirk that would give away a joke, but there was nothing.
no teasing glint in his eyes. no sly grin.
just him, watching you intently, waiting.
“like, right now?”
it’s the first thing that leaves your lips, and honestly—really? that’s what you go with? of all the things you could say, of all the ways you could respond to something this huge, that’s what your brain decides on?
but, to be fair, thinking straight is nearly impossible when your heart is pounding against your ribs, and his eyes—so steady, so intense—are holding you in place, making you want to say yes to whatever he wants, whatever he asks.
“if that’s what you want, yes. we could go to the courthouse right now and buy the rings on the way there.”
he says it so easily, like he’s suggesting grabbing takeout for dinner. like marrying you is the most natural thing in the world—because to him, maybe it is.
“it doesn’t even matter how it happens, as long as, at the end of the night, i know we’re carrying the same last name.”
you’re this close to crying.
but then, just as your heart starts to swell, he leans in, brushing his thumb over your cheek with a smirk that’s softer than usual.
“but,” he continues, voice lighter now, “i want you to have the wedding of your dreams. a pretty dress, in a pretty place, with all our friends and family.” he pauses, then scoffs, “not that i care about any of them. i just want an excuse to stare at the woman of my dreams for an entire day without anyone calling it weird.”
and just like that, you’re laughing and crying all at once, because only he could make you question everything you thought you knew about love.
you take a deep breath, trying to steady yourself. you’re not sure whether to laugh or cry, but the overwhelming emotion feels like both. this man, with his wild ideas, his way of making everything feel bigger than it is, is making your heart race in ways you didn’t expect.
you wipe away a stray tear, your voice catching as you speak. “you really know how to make a girl feel special,” you joke, wiping the moisture from your cheek.
his grin widens, and he leans closer, his breath warm against your skin. “well, i’ve got to keep up, right? otherwise, you’d probably realize you can do better.”
“is that a challenge?” you tease back, narrowing your eyes with a playful smirk. “because if it is, you’re about to lose.”
his smile softens, and for a moment, it’s just the two of you, tangled in blankets, a mess of pillows, and the soft glow of the tv casting shadows across the room.
he reaches for your hand, his thumb gently brushing over your knuckles. “i don’t want anyone else, though. i just want you. for real.”
you look into his eyes, so full of sincerity, and feel the weight of the moment settle in. “well, if you’re serious about that, then we’ll figure it out. together. and who knows? maybe one day we’ll have that wedding.”
he laughs softly, but there’s a warmth in it that’s different this time. “we’ll do it right,” he says, “the way you deserve. but first, how about i just get to stare at you for a little longer?”
and with that, the two of you relax into each other, the laughter and tears fading into the background, replaced by the quiet, comforting presence of knowing that whatever comes next, you’ll face it together.
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mythicmanuscripts · 6 months ago
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all ive been able to think about lately is a dream i had the other night. sub aemond and casual nudity +/ naked cuddles. i just ge the feeling that its something that hed be into. maybe not at first but once hes comfortable and feels safe enough with you hed actually grow to really enjoy it. like when hes alone with you in your shared room and know no one will disturb you two he just locks the door and quickly wriggles out of his clothes and of course you join him too. like theres just something so relaxing and natural about it and he likes to share that with you
Brilliant thought anon, absolutely brilliant!!! After I just posted that ask about Aemond slowly getting comfortable, I think this sort of thing is the perfect continuation of what would happen once he reaches that comfort level.
While none of this is explicit, there's definitely implied sexual behaviour and since it's a lot about nakedness, to be safe I'm gonna put it under a cut. Enjoy!!
I think this starts as something that only happened after sex, mostly because Aemond prefers not to have sex very late at night? Sure, he'll do it happily if the mood arises, but in general he'd rather have sex earlier in the evening and spend the rest of the night in bed with you before going to sleep.
He grows to love the post sex hours? He's always heard most men just lay down immediately and fall asleep, but not him. There's a certain level of connection and comfortability with you that he only seems to get after sex? Once he's been that vulnerable, he finds that he's not shy about his body, not worried about having your eyes on him or trying to seem a certain way.
His favourite is when you two can get ready for bed together after sex, and absolutely no servants are called. He's more than capable of heating the water by the fire and pouring it into the bath, in fact he finds that he enjoys the task, even enjoys feeling your eyes on him from the bed while he does it. You bath together then, trade kisses and wash each other and then climb back into bed together, or sit on an armchair together, sometimes you curl up on the windowsill, sharing a blanket and watching the stars.
(The servants know better than to ask how come there's bath water to drain in the morning when no one was called to draw it the night before.)
As you get more comfortable and grow closer, Aemond one night admits how much he loves those hours. Maybe it's the night before one of you are set to leave for a few days, and he tells you how he thinks he'll miss that the most. You agree.
Doing it without sex takes a bit longer. The first night it happens that way is after Aemond gets into a fight with his mother. He comes storming into your shared chambers and all but chases out the poor servant trying to gather the laundry. You nearly tell him off for such rudeness, but then you get a proper look at him and you realise how stressed he seems.
You pull him into bed and ask what's wrong. Even though he's talking about it, he doesn't seem to be settling in the same way he normally would? He's still tense, flinching if you touch him without warning.
You decide to ask if he'd like to have a bath, because you can see that he's clearly upset and needs to calm. He shakes his head, not wanting to draw it or have a servant do it, and he most certainly won't let you do it.
You're stuck then, unsure of how to help him. You think of how calm he is those nights, of how comfortable.
And so, mostly on a whim, you get up from bed and remove your clothes. Poor Aemond has absolutely no idea what's going on and starts stuttering about how he's not in the mood. You tell him that you know that, but you'd like to be closer to him all the same.
He's confused, but he removes his clothes too and gets back into bed. He's stiff and tense for the ten seconds it takes you to shuffle closer and wrap an arm around him. From the moment you do that, he all but melts against you. You can actually feel how he sags, letting you take his weight, nuzzling his nose against your collarbone. You can feel the flutter of his lashes as he clothes his eyes.
He lays there for a while with you in silence, just breathing and focusing on the feel of your hand stroking his back and arm. When he does eventually start speaking, his voice as the same soft, almost slow quality that you usually only hear after sex. He tells you what happened then, listens to your counsel and then draws a bath for you both.
Even though you thought it might work, you're still shocked at just how well it worked, and especially at how comfortable yet non-sexual it was?
After that, it becomes commonplace. You start having to tell servants they may not enter your chambers without permission, even if they had been sent with a message for one of you, they must always knock and wait. Aemond absolutely adores how safe his shared chambers feel, how clear it is that the space belongs to you and aemond alone.
He so looks forward to it now, loves how warm and safe it feels.
Interestingly, he won't do it alone? Often you enter your chambers after him and find him reading or writing alone with his clothes on but then once he sees you he'll motion you over and gently push your clothes down your body. It's like he can't be comfortable naked when he's alone, but the moment you arrive he craves that vulnerability.
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hana-no-seiiki · 1 year ago
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ALL YOURS.
tw/cw: yandere (more on the soft side tbh, barely appears), mentions of slavery. Power dynamics are whack. AFAB! Reader but GN! Pronouns. Some Aventio sprinkled in there.
HAPPY AVENTURINE DAY!!! ( thank you @rninies / @teabutmakeitazure / @harmonysanreads for informing me cause I wouldn’t have known otherwise)
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“Who is this?” His eyes ran through the sight of your body, a nice and controlled pace yet swift nonetheless. You looked like a dead leaf if he was to be completely honest. Covered in soot, malnourished, fragile. Like you’d disappear with the slightest breeze. Then, his eyes paused, a mark — a branding on the right side of your neck.
But still, he was confused. What was the point of showing yet another slave to him? Was it a thinly concealed, sadistic way of reminding him that he was still shackled? That his freedom was nothing more than a mirage? An illusion?
His benefactor — owner — slowly lifted the veil that covered your face. Beautiful. He’d seen many faces by now, his own among others. But strangely yours reminded him of his past. A wave of euphoric nostalgia almost overwhelmed him.
“Open your eyes, little one.” Jade said with a wicked smile on her face. “I told you I had quite the gift. I was actually hoping to keep them as a . . . collectible. But then I found quite an interesting fact.”
You looked at him with eyes far too similar to his own. Cold, dead, empty. He could think of many other terms to use for yours. One of them including home.
“It seems that the Avgin’s blood will not be running dry all too soon. They’re all yours.”
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“Quit staring at them like that.” Veritas tapped on his book. His face morphing from disturbed to mild annoyance every few seconds.
“Like what?”
“Like they’re an oasis deep within the desert. And you, a man starved for eons, waiting to drink them up until they’ve ran dry. Stop it. It’s disgusting.” Dr. Ratio gestured at you. You were practically a walking ‘owned by Aventurine’ signal at this point. From head to toe, covered in expensive objects. It was a statement to say the least, a warning to those that looked closer.
“You exaggerate. I am simply . . . deliberating.”
“Is it really this one?”
“Hm?”
“This reality.” Dr. Ratio placed the corner of his book on the blond’s forehead, “The reality where someone like you actually had the mental capacity to deliberate.”
“Oh don’t be too mean at this hour, Doctor.”
“Or what? You’d force me to find and get you from whatever hole you got yourself drunk in? Unfortunately that is something you’ve already burdened me with far too long ago.”
“I can take care of Mr. Aventurine, Doctor.” You appeared from behind the two. Your signature monotonous voice in tow.
Plaster immediately covered the man in question’s head. “Did anyone teach you manners? You don’t just silently approach someone—“
“I’m sorry.” You replied. Your face empty as a canvas an artist was yet to touch. “I didn’t know. I’m sorry.”
For once, Kakavasha took his time, let his eyes wander and behold your form. One feature at a time.
“All mine.”
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a/n: this was rushed and written in one sitting, but i wanted to release something at least for our boi ! will be back to hsr fics once penacony’s entire story/lore is out. i miss aeon of dreams! reader so much…
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yandere-wishes · 2 years ago
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𝕆𝕦𝕣 ℙ𝕣𝕖𝕥𝕥𝕪 𝕃𝕚𝕥𝕥𝕝𝕖 𝔾𝕚𝕣𝕝
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Summary: You try to escape from two fearsome Sith Lords. Surprisingly they take it rather well.
Author's note: This is totally getting a part 2. Or maybe a series we'll see. 
Warnings: dark, absolutely no regard for the rule of two, sorta a vent fic (venting that these two are so fine and I can't get them out of my mind), slightly fluffy.
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The empire's warships have a tendency to blur reality. The interiors of their large hulking exoskeletons house endless corridors and makeshift chambers. Vast, endless arrays of space. They've been optimized for housing droids, clones, and artillery. Not for escape, not for an endless search of a freedom that has long since eroded. 
Calling yourself anything but desperate would be a lie. Your feet run to the chorus of your broken heartbeat. The need for freedom, the need to escape spreads through your body like a poison. You know it'll end up killing you, either from exhaustion or by their sabars. But you have to try, you have to run. Even if you've left fragments of yourself in the warm bed the three of you sleep on. Even if you forgot your heart under Anakin's pillow and your soul still lingers in Maul's warm embrace. Maybe freedom is worth cutting off pieces of yourself, if only in the hope that someday they might grow back. 
There's something wrong with the corridors you're sure of it. You've never been one for directions, instead relying on the holo screens and navigation systems to lead the way. Mirror images as far as the eye can see. Identical, plain. Nothing substantial to store in your memory. There's something ironic about this situation, a punchline that doesn't quite land. You half haphazardly tug on the skirt of your nightgown, desperate for anything familiar. You're not sure why.
You remember how Anakin called you pretty this morning, still hazy, still clinging to the sensation of slumber. Perfect blue eyes too dazed to look at you. Really look at you. The chosen one gazes at your ghost, your ethos. the perfect doll he and Maul had morphed you into. Behind you
 Maul pulls you to his chest. Hand running up and down her side, trying to resurrect you into his dreams. It's only when Anakin's eyes close, seeling the shimmering blue orbs, that you crawl out of bed and into the unknown. 
You're lost, abandoned in absolute desolation. The marble tiles bleed frost into the soles of your feet. Somewhere in the distance, you feel a disturbance in the force. Too far away to matter, yet leaking with a potent rage that burns. It's hope you think, albeit pathetically, maybe it's better to capitulate this pointless crusade and wait for the Sith lords to find you. The crash comes just as you're about to stop. You bump into him, falling in the process. All armor and steel. The Stormtrooper's mask is off giving you a clear view of his scarred face. His eyes flash, some dreary emotion too obscure to read, he offers you a gloved hand, something human something casual. 
You stare frozen. 
When exactly did you stop comprehending human idiosyncrasies? 
When exactly did you start reading every interaction as a threat? 
He's a monster, you think, just like the ones you've been warned about. Lectured time and time again by both Anakine and Maul. Monsters pry on little girls, especially ones who wander off on their own. Monsters lurk behind unsuspecting walls, ready to pounce when their prey approaches. You wonder if, the definitive definition of "monster" could be passed on to the two Siths who call themselves your lovers. 
There's blood, too crimson to be real. Metallic aromas wafted through the air. You've only now noticed how close the disturbance in the force really is. Close enough to distinguish itself. To reveal that, in actuality, it's not a disturbance at all.
 It's two...
Something cold yanks at your forearm. Pulling you to your feet. for a split second, your nerves calm. The familiarity of the cybernetic arm grants you a heavy ease. Anakin pushes you over to where Maul is standing. Golden eyes burning holes through the stormtrooper's armor. 'He didn't do anything' you long to say. But the words wisely die on your tongue as Maul grips your shoulders. Anakine's saber is lit, stabbing through the soldier's armor as if it were flesh. As if killing him where as easy as killing a rogue thought. "You're quite a foolish soldier for daring to touch that which belongs to your commanders. Even more imbecilic for so much as looking at emperor Palpatine's disciple." 
Maul's grip on your shoulders tightens, eyes never once leaving the bloodshed. One of his hands instinctively roams to your belly, then slides down to your thigh. Rubbing it ever so gently as his claws pierce your soft skin. You close your eyes trying to make yourself smaller. You hate how his touch grounds you. How the familiarity plucks at your heartstrings. When he touches you like this you wish you would forever rot in his arms.
"'I'm sorry" You don't know why the words come so easily. As if they've been itching to spill from your tongue. Maybe it's easier to say 'I'm sorry' rather than 'You've broken my perception of love, of reality and now I can only find comfort in your darkness.' "Hush" Maul's anger spills with every syllable. His claws dig deeper, earning him a pained hiss from his doll. 
"You're not sorry, in fact, you rather enjoyed this didn't you? Running away making us chase you down, I never thought your species would enjoy being the prey so much, little one." Anakin walks over, saber seethed at his side. His every step promised pain, retribution. He's angry, furious. They both are, you wonder if maybe, just maybe, they'll end it all today. 
Maul's chambers have always been a testament to Dathomir, bathed in deep scarlets and endless ebony. You wonder if he's homesick for a place he's only visited in his worst ephialtes. After the incident in the corridors, they drag you back to the Zabrak's room. Neither bothering to say a word. Merely permitting their rage to engulf you, subduing you into submission. It's an unwelcome surprise when they begin to prep for the day. Throwing on their black cloaks, prior to choosing your outfit. An abnormal affinity settles across the room. Too unnerving to go unchecked. 
They dress you each morning, a ritual you think, some attestation of love that's never been quite right. Maul drapes you in velvet dresses. Each one harbors a sui generis softness that sits erroneously across your skin. Their opulent sensation only brings forth feelings of aversion and despair. Their softness an ode to your imprisonment. 
the dresses come in shades of crimson, detailed sometimes in black, sometimes in gold, and sometimes in a frigid blue that sends shivers running up your spine. 
Anakin fusses over your accessories, why they feel the need to dress you so extravagantly daily is beyond you -as you've come to realize many things are- On days when Anakin's hubris reaches its apex, he bathes you in gold. Astonishing glittering collars across your neck and Kuat bangles hanging from your wrists. When he's sober from his pride he chooses black diamonds. Simple and exotic. scintillate and opaque.
Allusions to the dark side.
A hidden reference that crawls inside you. 
Once, back when you'd been sure defiance was still an option. Back when callow hope still dared to flow through your veins. Back when you'd been a jejune, stubborn thing. You had refused to wear one of the dresses they'd bought. Adimant in your refusal until Maul had stuck out his hand. Summoning the Force to remind you just who held the supreme authority here. 
The Force had strangled you, clawing hungrily at your neck. You felt your bones caving in on themselves, watched with exacerbating hysteria as your feet abandoned the floor. He'd only released you when he was sure you were near death's adorned door. Permitting you to molder on the floor akin to a ragdoll. 
Anakin had chastised you after you'd conjured enough strength to sit up, gasping greedily for air. He'd broken two fingers that day. One still harbors a small scar.
A Promise ring. 
An augury.
There are days, few and far between. When they've deemed you've been behaving adequately for long enough. That they permit you the choice of which dress you'd fancy wearing for the day. It's a rare event, reserved as a special treat. You think it's their way of proposing variety, giving you the illusion of choice. Making you feel a little less smothered. 
Today is not one of those days. Today, you feel them pick you apart, only to reassemble you in their image. Drowning you in extravagance. A reminder, one whose deprecating nature weaves itself within your muscles. You, little girl, are nothing more than a doll. And dolls should know their place.
No sooner do you feel the final lace fasten across your back, that Anakin is tugging you outside the door. Metal arm clasped around your forearm. 
Maul follows behind molten gaze locked on your face. The hallways bend to their will as if the walls themselves quiver with their presence. You recognize this corridor, recognize the frigid forlorn. 
There's something wrong with Emperor Palpatine's throne room. It's surreal, makeshift. His real throne lays somewhere cold, somewhere even his apprentices don't dare wander off to. The ironclad throne has never felt right. Never felt like it held any real power. Just terror, just dread, just hatred. But here it is in all its glory. Left to two apprentices who'd rather treat it as a toy than a sacred place.
 Anakin dramatically throws himself onto the throne. One leg thrown over the armrest as he leans against the other. His other leg planted firmly on the ground. He keeps you steady on his thigh. Torturing you with his distant, disappointed look. Maul stands in front of you. His eyes liquid gold melting into you. You see the galaxy in them. Hear it whispearing secrets meant to be forgotten. It's Anakin's voice that rattles you from your disjointed thoughts. 
"You caused us so much worry angel" he's being nice. You don't trust that. There's something sinister plaguing his words.  
"You know Ani, she may cease escaping if you'd cease to spoil her." Maul leans down, gripping your chin and squeezing. " The brat forgets her place, merely cause you'd rather coddle her than discipline her." 
Anakin glares, a shift in his eyes, blue bleeding into gold. "Hmm, Maul, you're starting to sound an awful lot like Kenobi right now."
"Why's that? Did the old fool tend to also point out your shortcomings?" 
You wonder who this Kenobi is, as you watch the Siths' exchange crude childish vitriols. Maybe he'd make a better lover than the two men you have the misfortune of being adhered to. 
They never could truly see just how similar they were.
Two sides of the same coin. 
One born of copper, the other, black rose petals.
Subconsciously you reach out. Grasping Anakin's robotic hand, fiddling with the panel, peeling it away to gain access to the wires and circuits. You have a bad habit of ripping things open. Anakin learned this the first time he kissed you and you tried to gnaw at his chest with your nails. Not in malice, but rather to satisfy a ravenous curiosity. A raging need to open him and see just how he ticked. You'd wished to perform an autopsy on his soul. Rip him open and devour all his secrets. Back then you'd wondered if you could kiss sunrises into Anakin's eternal night. Strip him of bleak blackened skies and introduce him to stars and a moon that shines. He'd only vaguely permitted it. Opting to pluck the stars lying within you. Swiping them for steel and lava and other mundane things that fueled his incessant rage. 
Anakin's head dips, lips pressing on your jugular vein. "You're ethereal" Anakin mubbles against your skin, like the dying prayer of a collapsing star. He's so pretty when he kisses your neck. Biting away pieces of you. Stealing your light for himself. 
"Princess" Maul seethes venom pelting from his words. You realize you'd been ignoring him. Something he's not too fond of. "What in the stars was going through your pretty little head?" 
 he looks like he'd love nothing more than to wring your pretty little neck right now. "I just..." your words feel heavy. Tiny bullets polluting your tongue. It feels so cruel to say when you know just how much they love you. "I just wanted some freedom. Just a bit of space." 
"Dumb little angel" Anakin chastes. You lower your head in embarrassment watching Maul kneel in front of you. He cups your cheeks, placing a soft kiss on your head. "You can never escape us beloved".
 "I love you," says Anakin. All you hear is, I'll haunt you, I'll break your ribs one by one so that I may possess your heart. Maybe they mean the same thing. 
"And I'm pretty sure if Maul could feel normal emotions like everyone else, then he'd love you too." You can't help but let out a giggle as Anakin throws his head back laughing. A rare melodious sound, that causes your heart to skip a beat. Maul merely rolls his eyes before pecking you on the lips.
You trace your fingers across Maul's chest, feeling the pummelling of two hearts. A double heartbeat. Two melodies entwined, You wonder who he harbors in those hearts. One for love and one for family. You nip at his bottom lip. Ushering the blood into your mouth. He tastes of Ichor and smoke. Of sadness and rage. From behind you feel Akanin bite into the hollow of your flesh. Leaving traces of himself upon your skin. 
"Our pretty little problem" Anakin mumbles. 
You're a problem, a vexation draped in velvet, an unsolvable equation. Trapped between a love that seethes through your body like a toxin. Engulfing you until your mind relents. Maybe it's easier this way. Easier to say 'I love you' without the double entendre. 
You do love them.
A rather arduous conclusion to reach.
Maul and Anakin.
Palpatine's apprentices. 
Your lovers
Yeah, that sounds about right...
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💜💜: @athanasia-day @hotpinkboots @jenn-patterson-69 @nickiiiixoxo-blog @the-chains-are-the-easy-part
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llamagoddessofficial · 1 year ago
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Thank you @radpunch for giving me an excuse for more Farmtale Sans... he's the love of my life
I don't usually do this, but I thought I'd add some recommended music for reading this piece. I listened to this the whole time I was writing, and I think it really adds to the vibe.
---
To anyone else, the sight of a body in a field neighbouring yours probably would’ve caused no small amount of alarm. Instead, you just sighed, finally laying down your shovel for the day and hopping the fence you had only just finished repairing.
The grass brushed against your hips as you walked, moving your feet as if wading through water. The evening sun caught the long, glimmering single stray cobwebs that trailed from the grass flower heads, and illuminated the tiny fluttering bodies of disturbed insects that fluttered up and away when you walked by. Though it was a pain to move through, you always liked when the field looked like this. It was your own romantic summer sea.
Eventually, you came across the ‘body’. Sans was lounging with his head propped up on a pile of empty seed bags, straw hat placed on his chest, sockets shut. The sun didn’t reach him now, the tall grass on all sides of him left a perfect little shady spot where he had nestled in. He looked very comfy... very peaceful. This wasn’t unusual at all, for him. He had a knack for finding hidden places to nap.
You crouched down. You could hear him faintly snoring. There was a tiny iridescent beetle sitting proudly on his bent knee, using the vantage point to observe its surroundings. It didn’t seem bothered by your presence in the slightest.
Sans was nice to look at. You had always considered him kinda good-looking, but he had grown more and more on you over time. Despite his brother being more classically ‘handsome’, with his high cheekbones, strong jawline and impressive physique, Sans was the one you found yourself getting caught staring at. He was... so easygoing. Not softspoken, too confident for that. Just never needing to raise his voice. Quick witted, strong, smart. Casual. Despite his silly straw hat, constantly muddy pants and crappy jokes, something about him was effortlessly cool. Effortlessly pretty.
And you were...
...
He had dirt on his cheekbone. Without thinking, you reached out, wiping it off. 
Before you could even blink, his hand snapped up, catching yours by the wrist. You let out a little inelegant shriek then slapped your free hand over your mouth in embarrassment - he snorted, sockets opening up, pretty fuzzy green eyelights landing on you. 
“well hello there,” he said, voice only mildly sleepy, with a gentle purr to it. He turned his face, and kissed your palm.
You shrieked a second time. Well... this one was more like a yelp, yanking your hand out of his grip as both of you descended into laughter. “Gross!”
You weren’t going to admit the move had given you butterflies. Nor that the way he was looking at you was making you feel things you didn’t have words for yet. You made a point of wiping your hand on your work pants.
“am i still asleep, or d’you just look like a dream to me?” he asked, leaning back, knitting his fingers together over his chest. 
“Charming.” Your tone just made him snicker. “The sun is setting. You getting up soon, or are you planning on sleeping under the stars tonight?”
Sans’ gaze was very soft. “hey, that actually don’t sound too bad. ‘specially if i had the right company.”
“True. Stargazing with someone is always nicer.”
“could always join me. room for two, in this patch.”
“Unlike you, I have to worry about ticks.” You flicked his shoulder. “I’ll think about it when the grass is cut.”
He grinned. “dang. never felt so motivated to do a chore before. s’that a promise, then? when i cut the grass you’ll come stargaze with me?”
You rolled your eyes. But there they were again; the butterflies. The thing with Sans was you never had any idea whether or not he was serious. He said entirely joking and entirely genuine things with the same tone of voice, the same smile, the same twinkling eyelights. Maybe in a few years you’d know him well enough to tell. Right now, though, you were much too afraid of embarrassing both of you by assuming his 'flirting' was anything but banter.
He finally sat up, and the beetle on his knee took off into the sky. It felt so cosy, somehow; the two of you were almost entirely below the top of the grass, hiding in a tiny den. It smelled like... well, grass, duh. But a specific kind of grassy smell - sweet and dry, more like hay, summery and clear. It reminded you of playing outside as a child until the sun had long gone down. 
“you been exertin’ yerself? all red.”
“Yeah, I’ve just been fixing the fence.” A lie and a truth. You had been fixing the fence, but it was a menial chore that hadn’t required huge amounts of strain. The blushing was from something else.
“ah, jeez." A break in his easy mood. "we’re still really sorry about that. pap is absolutely mortified, think he's set aside a whole load of crop for you.”
The brothers’ goat had managed to break through several fences, including yours, to take a 'visit' to your garden. You’d found her in your flowerbed, happily eating the tops off the marigolds you were going to cut and take to market. 
You’d never seen someone more apologetic than when Papyrus showed up to bring her home. The animal still had bright yellow petals in her beard as he led her away.
“It’s alright,” you said, warmly. “it wasn't like it was malicious or anything. Animals get out. I don’t think I’ve ever met a more sweet-natured goat anyway.”
“should’ve told me you were fixing that fence. i would’ve helped out.”
“Oh would you have?” Your tone was mock-suspicious. “How convenient that you waited until I was finished to tell me that.”
His sockets raised at the corners. “i’m serious! you doubtin’ my honesty? dang. thought we were close.”
Uh oh. Butterflies again. You swerved, doing your best to avoid it.
“So does your brother know you’re out here?”
“course not,” he snickered. “he still thinks i’m working.”
“Maybe I should go tell him that you’re flunking. I’m certain he already knows, he just needs to catch you in the act.”
He put his hat back on his head. “well. guess now i have to kill you.”
You laughed - and in the shade, entirely missed the little green shimmer across his cheekbones.
“How’s the day been then, sleepyhead?”
He shrugged, picking at some of the flattened grass. “busy. exactly how you think late summer on a farm would be. harvestin’, packin’ stuff up. lotsa ploughing. even with magic, it’s hard work. i’m just stealing whatever breaks i can find. you?”
You gave him a look. “You came over yesterday. You know how I'm doing.”
He leant over, lightly elbowing you. “c’mon. i’m doin’ the small talk thing. can’t leave me hangin’ here.”
“So now you’re guilt tripping me? You’re a real piece of work.”
That got another snicker out of him. He was so handsome when he laughed. 
Sans always liked knowing what was going on in your life. It was weird, you never saw him do that with anyone else; it had taken you a while to notice it but even with his closest friends he didn’t talk half as much as he did with you. The first time you’d seen him talking to Toriel you had thought he was in a bad mood, with how little he engaged, how simple his questions were, how sparingly he spoke.
“BAD MOOD? WHAT DO YOU MEAN?”
“Sans just didn’t seem very chatty tonight. Did something happen?”
“OH? OH! NYEHEHEHEH, HOW FUNNY! SANS WAS COMPLETELY NORMAL TONIGHT, HUMAN, DON’T YOU WORRY. THIS IS HOW HE ALWAYS IS AT GET-TOGETHERS.”
“But he...”
“HE’S JUST MUCH CHATTIER WITH ME AND YOU.”
You liked to think he felt safe around you. You definitely felt safer around him, that was for sure. 
You pulled your knees up to your chest, relenting under his gaze. “Okay okay, fine. I’m doing alright, I guess. The old trees came right back to life as soon as the thickets were cleared away. There’s already fruit, they just need another year or so to get market ready.”
“and yer flowers? they sellin’ well?”
“It’s a good way to plug the money gaps in the meantime. Living in the age of the internet definitely helps, there’s lots of information floating around that has made it so much easier for me to get started. I dunno. It’s alright.”
You wanted to stop talking. You looked away, staring off into the ‘forest’ surrounding you, the waning sunset catching certain blades and turning them into a warm burning orange. In the distance you could hear the rolling and bubbling singing of a particularly loud bird somewhere overhead.
Despite your desire to shut up, Sans wasn’t about to let you. His lovely eyelights just continued to bore into you. 
“i can hear a ‘but’ in there.”
...
You sighed. Oh well. Who else were you going to be able to talk to?
“I thought the impostor syndrome would be gone by now.”
He cocked his head. You had no choice but to continue. 
“I’m just... I still feel like I’m not part of this. My mind hasn’t settled in. Every day is a confusing fight where I feel like I barely make it out the other side. Most of my flower boxes are stuck together with tape and hope.” You settled your chin onto your knees, sulking. “Every time things start to make sense, and I feel like I’m finally starting to get some solid ground, another problem shows up. Another thing breaks. Another bug I didn’t know existed is eating the fruit, another tree disease I have to prep against otherwise it might wipe out the orchard, another colony of aphids eating the flowers. I can’t win.”
“sounds pretty normal to me.”
You looked up from your knees. “Does it?” 
“that’s just life, ain’t it?” He had somehow shuffled closer to you, entirely without you noticing. “there’s always some new problem. if ya ask me, sounds exactly like a day on our farm. one of the ducks is injured, a coop is leaking, chicken got eaten in the night, goat escaped and ate the neighbour’s flowers. nothing goes how you expect. if you ask me, you’re doing great.”
You hummed. “Doesn’t feel like it.”
“doin’ good on paper, too. human from the suburbs moves to the countryside and buys an abandoned orchard. most of the time that ends in disaster. but yer trees are fruiting, could be ready in a single year, the flowers are already bloomin’ and sellin’ at the market. not sure how you could do any better.”
... You couldn’t help but feel warm. Especially on your face again. Partially because of his kind words, yes... but mostly because he seemed so intent on making you feel less bad. It made your chest all fluttery.
“... Thank you,” you mumbled. "that does make me feel better."
“course. anytime. just wish you’d ask for help, more.”
The bird from earlier started singing again. You glanced up, but could see nothing from within the little 'den'.
“Any idea what that bird is?”
He leant back. One hand, conspicuously, resting on the ground just behind your back. “s’a skylark.”
“... Skylark.” 
You stared up into the clear evening sky. You weren’t great with bird names, but you’d definitely remember that. 
...
Feeling like he was looking at you, you turned to the side. Sans was looking at you - and his face was only really a few inches from yours. Close enough that if he tilted his head down a bit, the top of his straw hat would bump against your hair. His expression was calm... a lot calmer than you felt. The two of you quietly held eye contact, and the skylark continued to sing.
... Suddenly, and with no apparent trigger, you felt immensely flustered by the proximity. You pulled back, shuffling, unceremoniously dragging yourself to your feet and brushing off your pants. Your head popped up above the grass; immediately, some tiny birds scattered up and away, sun shining into your eyes.
“I should head home.” You were messing needlessly with your hair. “Dinner isn’t going to make itself.”
Sans looked up at you, for a few silent moments. You couldn’t read his face at all, the only thing you knew was that his smile was very soft.
“agh, i should head out too,” he eventually said, not standing, but folding his arms behind his head and stretching. “need to get home. pap probably thinks i fell into a ditch.”
You put your hands on your hips. “Then you can finally rest, after a long hard day of skipping your chores?”
He chuckled. “why of course.”
“Pft. Say hi to Papyrus for me.”
“sure thing. later, doll.”
With that, you headed back across the field, leaving Sans to pretend to wake up. Knowing him he had probably laid down and gone straight back to sleep.
... You put your hand over your chest, now that you were out of sight, trying to still your fluttering heart. It wasn’t really any use.
The more time you spent with Sans, the more you realised you were falling for him.
///---///
Sans watched you walk away, the golden light catching in your hair.
... He sighed, stretching again, before finally actually dragging himself to his feet. The green flush became more prominent on his face as he stopped to watch a skylark hovering just over the grass before tilting its wings and dancing away.
He’d been completely serious about the stargazing. Once again, you thought he was joking, his own persona had bitten him in the ass. He’d wanted to tell you as you were leaving - he’d wanted to finally put his foot down and make a date out of it, ask you when you were free and do what he’d been dreaming of doing for weeks. 
But just like always, when you’d looked at him, he’d completely fallen to pieces. The words had gotten stuck in his nonexistent throat. And by the time he’d shaken himself out of his stupor, you were already leaving.
Sans just sighed, adjusting his hat. 
“... next time,” he hummed. "there's always next time."
With that, he shortcutted home.
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wileycap · 8 months ago
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Special Instructions For Luke Skywalker
(approved by hon. Sen. Organa, Gen. Solo, entirety of Rogue Squadron, Adm. Ackbar, hon. Sen. Mothma, distributed to Cmdr. Skywalker)
1. No acrobatics, except in designated excercise areas.
1.1. Not even if you can "jump really high, the Force is so bright right now, look!"
2. Absolutely NO mind reading.
2.1. If you do it on accident, try not to get a weird look on your face and also tell us what you learned. Proverb: It's better to know than to wonder about it until one ends up doing something stupid.
2.2. Yes. I'm talking about that. I can't look General Madine in the eye anymore.
2.3. It's still allowed for intrasquadron prank purposes. But you can't do it to the others, they freak out.
3. No posing. Yes, you pose. It's annoying and wrong. The rest of us are dirty and want to slump down into our own filth and sleep. We don't need to see you being all heroic.
4. No claiming "the will of the Force" when you do something weird. Yes it's saved all our lives more than once. Yes it's still offputting and just plain disturbing.
4.1. "The universe is telling me that..." is not an acceptable substitute.
4.2. "I have received an omen" is also out.
4.3. "The vibes speak to me" is funny but no.
4.4. "Hey guys, guess what came to me in a dream" might be okay but it was in the middle of combat. And you said it over the general comms. And then you did an unannounced microjump into actual hyperspace in the middle of actual combat. Admiral Ackbar nearly had a medical event.
5. If somebody wants to hold your lightsaber you should let them.
5.1. You're officially allowed to disregard that. Never give Janson your lightsaber again. We have no idea how he snuck that in in the first place.
5.2. If Princess Leia requests to inspect your ceremonial weapon (commonly known as a 'lightsaber'), you should let her. For reasons for legitimate cultural intrest and archeological research. And because as your superior, she has the right to inspect your weapon as set down in the Alliance Charter, section General Conduct, heading B4467, subheading BA561-33. By permission of Princess Leia. I approve of this. Luke give it to me for a second you get to have it all the time.
6. If you need to "have a conversation with a ghost", do it in a private place.
6.1. If you agree to have your ghost conversations in private, we promise to stop referring to our "private time" as "having a conversation with a ghost."
6.2. In fact, we could just stop announcing it altogether. It was funny the first time and it hasn't been funny since. Guys, I don't want to know.
6.3. But please don't talk to thin air in front of us.
7. Luke, you are a hero of the Alliance. We are also friends. You don't need to bow when you see me, even if I am technically royalty and your superior.
7.1. It's very sweet that you do it and I appreciate that you want to show your respect, but the new recruits are getting confused.
7.2. NO, ADMIRAL ACKBAR DIDN'T WRITE THAT. It was obviously me, Leia!
7.3. If you're doing this on purpose and hiding it behind your innocent farmboyishness, I'LL KILL YOU. I'll kill you until you're dead.
7.4. STOP BOWING STOP
8. Don't work on the Falcon unsupervised.
8.1. Me being in the general area isn't supervision.
8.2. Me being near you but working on a different part isn't supervision.
8.3. Apparently me looking over your shoulder isn't supervision either. Just don't do it, kid.
9. Cub. You are very small in comparison to other humans. If you are having trouble hunting I can do it for you.
9.1. Apologies. Han reminded me that you are an adult by the standards of your species. I travel with him and I am often confused that he is an adult. You understand.
9.2. No asking Chewie if his relationship with me is "kind of like adopting a tooka" for him. For one, no, and for two, everybody else already made that joke.
9.3. He is very much like a badly behaved tooka.
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if you have paid any attention to my ramblings on my process, you know that i tend to rethink my comics and toss out a lot of work if im not satisfied with how it turned out. so i thought id share some previews of comics that have gone unseen, and why they havent been posted (yet?) in order of how likely i am to finish and/or post them :)
(under cut bc long post)
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Be nice to each other: Main 4. Tomtord/Polyworld, angst. 4 pages. Matt confronts Tom and Tord on how have been acting, accidentally compelling them into saying how they really feel.
Status: abandoned.
I drew this one quite a while ago and i still really like the dialogue and character interactions i wrote for it! vampire hypnosis is a super cool concept and im definitely going to use it in the future, but this ultimately didnt pan out how i wanted it to.
Why it's not posted: while the buildup and climax are really good, this would be a huge mess to clean up. this would require some serious work both between the four of them and on my part for writing and drawing all of that!! plus, it would totally change the relationship dynamic between Tom and Tord, possibly ending it altogether (and i still have so much i want to do with them!!!)
Ed and Edd: Eduardo, Edd, Eduardo's mother. No pairings, angst. 3 pages. Eduardo can't wait to introduce himself at school, but he's got competition for the name he chose.
Status: abandoned.
Trans Eduardo is such a good concept. imagine figuring out who you are only to find out someone else already is that. of course you're going to hate them.
Why it's not posted: two main reasons. one is that i couldn't figure out how to end the comic (a recurring theme lol), but another is that i'm still not super confident with writing Eduardo yet. ...or writing children. so kid Eduardo is a challenge.
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Can't tell where you're looking: Tommatt, fluff. 3 pages. Tom isn't as sneaky as he thinks he is.
Status: on my list!
Tommatt fans, i have heard your pleas i have received your asks. it's on my list.
Why it's not posted: i had a great idea, drew several pages, thought about it, and decided it sucked, actually. it can be reworked, but my motivation did not get out unscathed.
Bad (?) Dream: Tomtord, uh.... yeah thats just smut huh. 2 pages. A bad dream for one and a good dream for the other.
Status: ???
I'm not saying SHIT.
Why it's not posted: originally, it was because i didn't want to post suggestive stuff on this blog. now, it's because i found better ways to cover the concepts in this comic. Y'all will simply have to wait and see ;)
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Matt figures it out: Matt, Tom. could be Tommatt. hurt/comfort. a collection of random sketches. Matt figures out how to turn into a bat! It sucks!
Status: on my list!
I've been wanting to talk about this SOOOO BAD!!! because why would you transform in a second via a poof of smoke when it could be an hour-long painful disturbing process?! honestly could be described as hurt/comfort/hurt.
Why it isn't posted: well for one it barely counts as a comic, just random sketches and a general idea. to be fair thats how most of my comics start, but... you know. i havent worked on it in a while mainly because the characters need to solve some personal problems first.
Not tonight: Tordmatt. fluff/suggestive. 2 pages. Matt's got pointy ears again, and Tord knows what that means!
Status: on my list!
TORDMATT FANS I HAVE ALSO HEARD YOUR PLEAS! Also, yippee i get to infodump about my headcanons via a comic
Why it's not posted: unfinished, and i hit a bit of a road block. usually its in writing, but this time its in the art half! so i have no idea how to get around it yet!!!
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Puberty sucks fr. imagine losing an eye: Tom, Tom's mother. no pairings. angst. 3 pages. When did Tom's eyes change?
Status: on my list!
You all remember the soul-crushing existential grief that started at the same time as puberty, right? No, just me? Huh.
Why it isn't posted: layout isn't quite what im looking for :/ also, a half-naked child on tumblr, even in a completely non-sexual context, is something i am slightly apprehensive about!
Something's wrong: Main 4. Polyworld, angst/suggestive. 20+ pages. Tom doesn't feel well. Edd, Matt, and Tord try to help.
Status: actively working on it
Oh, you guys remember that poll? Haha thats funny. Yeah i'm still working on this one.
Why it isn't posted: uh its not done yet. and also i am unsure of whether or not it will be allowed on tumblr. or whether or not i want people to speculate on my entire deal.
...and while i'm here:
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Communication comic part 6: IN PROGRESS!! these idiots need to establish boundaries. all of them. i believe <3
Zombie Tord part 4: ON MY LIST! i want to get through the communication comic first :3
thank u for reading all my ramblings :D! i am so fucking excited to continue working on all of my dumb shit and i am so happy that ppl like said dumb shit
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